In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust

As we enter into ritual space as a Coven, each of us says aloud, “I enter this Circle in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust”. 

 At a Ritual a few months ago, I was asked by one of our guests why we say those words.   He was concerned that, if it was a requirement of entering Ritual with the Coven, he was not capable of meeting such a standard. 

 I reassured him that it was not a requirement, but rather an intention, an ideal to which we aspire, and that none of us are perfect in our practice of that ideal.  

If we cannot achieve such perfection, why would we use those words?  Because words have power, and stating our ideals, our intentions, helps us to remember our common goal, our aspirations, and our commitment to each other to continue to “practice” Perfect Love and Perfect Trust with each other, and with ourselves. 

While none of us can achieve Perfect Love and Perfect Trust all the time, there is magick in ritual, when we can reach beyond our limitations, and achieve for a moment, something beyond our own abilities.  Each time we reach beyond ourselves and achieve, if only for a moment, a glimpse of our ideal, we expand our own capacity for the practice of that to which we aspire.  We “practice” Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.  It is not just a quaint twist of language but a Truth that we “practice”.

We, as a Coven, have committed to “practicing” Perfect Love and Perfect Trust with each other.  It is an ideal that we have explored as a group and as individuals.  We have shared with each other what that ideal looks like, and discussed how we manifest that ideal, with Coven, with Community, with our loved ones and with ourselves.  We have all grown and learned and expanded our understanding of what those words mean, and how to put such ideals into practice in ritual and in our lives.

There is inherent risk in such work.  Just as we cannot achieve perfection in our practice, we are also, in our humanity, not ascended beings. We all have secrets; we all have shadows.  We will each, at some time or another, let another down in some way and we will all be let down by someone we love and trust.  This is a truth of human experience, Family, Friends, Lovers, Coven and Community.  So, what does it mean to practice “Perfect Love and Perfect Trust” in the light of such Truth?  Or do we give up such a lofty ideal in the attempt to avoid the pain that results from the inevitable?

It is my belief that the bonds of emotional intimacy that are forged by such work, and the vulnerability that is inherent in those bonds, hold the potential for greater magick and transformation. The opportunity to learn and to practice forgiveness, resilience, strength, courage, knowledge, wisdom and power with ourselves and with one-another is worth the risks of personal pain, from someone we love failing us, and from us failing someone we love.

Love is worth the risk of failure, and the risk of pain.  Love is worth vulnerability.  Love is great Magick.  Love is the Magick that can re-enchant the world. Love is the magick that can heal our world and ourselves. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust are ideals worth aspiring to and worth practicing.

May you be blessed with both.  Blessed Be!

sometimes I feel small...

I am the High Priestess of the Weavers of the Moonfire.  I have worked for years to earn the privilege to serve this coven, this family that I love.  I am blessed and honored to guide and nurture these amazing witches, as they seek knowledge, of themselves, of their path, of their own power and magick.  I find immense joy in fulfilling my purpose in guiding my beloveds as they seek to heal themselves, transform themselves into stronger, happier people. 

I have worked hard for years to know how big I truly am, big enough to do this, bigger than I was taught I should be.  And I am, big enough.  But sometimes I feel small.

There are days when I feel low, weary, anxious.  There are days when I do not feel big enough to do the work I love.  That does not mean that I am NOT big enough, that only means that sometimes I do not FEEL big enough.  

When I feel small, I can pretend that everything is fine but, that tends to give the smallness more power.  Last week I told my lover that I was feeling small.  He heard me, understood me, and reassured me that I would be big enough when I needed to be.  The smallness passed, as such feelings will, but I am grateful for the way he holds space for me to feel however I feel in any given moment.

We do not have to be big always.  We do not have to be strong every moment. We can allow ourselves to be human, small, weak, afraid even.  We can be sad, or wild, or angry, or mean.  We can feel petty and over-sensitive and churlish and childish and selfish.  (We do not have to indulge in behavior that hurts others just because we feel these things).  We do not need to be perfect. And when we are feeling small, we can ask for those we love to hear us, and hold space for us, and be patient with us until we are able to return to our better selves.  (And if some of that leaks into our behavior, we can ask for forgiveness.)

It is helpful to remember that I am a guide, and that those I care for need me to walk the path that they will walk but, they will walk it for themselves.  I do not need to be any bigger than is needed to hold the torch so they can see the path before them.  And even when I feel small, I am big enough.  Blessed Be.

Grief and Conflict

We are humans, all of us.  Regardless of our spiritual paths or our religious beliefs, we are not immune to the truth that death is a part of our experience.  We will all lose people we love and we will all have to work through our grief over those losses.  None of us get a pass on this in life.  

Seventeen days ago, my younger brother died unexpectedly and suddenly.  We have shared more than one lifetime together, as well as our bloodline.  I loved Him and we had conflict between us, and we stopped working on our relationship about two decades ago.   

Sometimes we will lose someone we love without warning, with no time to prepare or to say our farewells.  And as is the nature of relationships, either family or lovers or friends, sometimes that loss will be of one with whom we have conflict.  Love and conflict are more often companions than mutually exclusive conditions.  For conflict with one we do not love is often reason enough to walk away from another person but, we will persist in spite of conflict if we love another.  And so, grief is often complicated by unresolved conflict with the one we loved and lost. 

We each grieve in our own way, and in our own time.  For me it is a delayed experience.  For the first two weeks, my perception of reality was surreal, often blurry and out of proportion.  Then life became normal again and my grief began to visit me at night.  When all is quiet and my mind can identify what my heart and soul are actually grieving and, my heart and soul can feel that grief, it is the conflict that I feel, and the pain of that conflict and the anger that it exists. 

Another conflict that accompanies grief is that in moments of unexpected emotional crisis, old habits of behavior, old patterns of relating within the family, reassert themselves.  Conscious effort is required to recognize these habits and patterns and to re-establish newer skills and ways of being.  It challenges my sense of self, and forces me to reexamine my relationships with those whom I love who remain.

I have work to do.  Including the work of reaching out to Him whom I have lost to assist in what way I can, and to ask Him to work with me to make some peace between us before the next life we share.  May our Ancestors and my Gods and Allies bless us and assist us in this work.  Blessed be. 

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd!

The Grand Sword of the Gorsedd of Bards 

“Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd” The Welsh proverb “The Truth against the World” is only the beginning of a ritual litany.   

Before the National Eisteddfod (a bardic competition of singing, recitation and instrumental mastery celebrating Welsh identity, language and culture) can commence, the Gorsedd (gathering) of Bards conducts a ritual in which the Grand Sword (upon which these words are inscribed) is partially unsheathed and laid upon a stone altar.

The call is made “Y Gwir yn Erbyn y Byd!” The Truth against the World!

The response is a question “A oes Heddwch?" Is there Peace?

Then comes the call “Calon wrth Galon!" (Heart to Heart!) and again the question “A oes Heddwch?"

Then finally the call "Gwaedd uwch Adwaedd! A oes Heddwch?” (Shout above the shouting! Is there peace?)  

The Eisteddfod cannot commence until the Gorsedd has declared Peace among them.

These words move me.  I have written before about the meaning that “Truth against the World” holds for me but; this past week I have been thinking about them a great deal.  My Third degree Initiation into my Tradition will occur in two weeks. It is an initiation into Service, as clergy and leadership in my Coven and my Tradition.  It is the beginning of a new leg of my journey. 

And I have been contemplating my purpose in this world in light of this new phase.  “Truth against the World” is a large part of that purpose, but it is only the beginning, only the starting point.  It is not about Truth for truth’s sake but, Truth for the greater purpose of Peace.  My heart calls out for Truth, for Love, for Healing of our World, and for Peace. 

Two days ago I had these words, Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd, inscribed (tattooed) upon my right forearm in red script, to commemorate the beginning of this stage in my life but, also to remind me every time I see them of my purpose, and of the entire litany.  To remind myself to ask the question “A oes Heddwch?"  Do I bring Peace?

I am not a pacifist, although I respect those who hold that place in our world.  My heart longs for Peace but, not for peace at any cost. Peace without Liberty is not Peace but rather oppression.  My purpose is Peace and Freedom, my purpose is Peace through Truth.  May my Gods, Ancestors and Allies bless me in my purpose.

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd!

Spirits of Place

Spirits of Place exist in any natural geologic feature but, those I have always found it easiest to relate to personally have been those connected to bodies of fresh Water and the Land surrounding them.  

My ancient ancestors in South Wales would have perceived the rivers closest to them to be deity.  My parents grew up on the banks of the Susquehannah River (in the North-Eastern part of Pennsylvania) as did many generations before them.  

I grew up near the Delaware River and I now live on the banks of the Schyulkill River. The Leni-Lenape who lived here before us called the River “Turtle Creek”.  The name has the added meaning of “Hidden” or “Refuge”.  

When I first moved here seven months ago, I sought to form a relationship, a connection to the Spirit of this Place and that meant the River and the Land surrounding it. 

I began visiting the banks of the River and found a Sycamore Tree (one of the species of Trees for which I bare a strong affection and affinity).  I made offerings and expressed a desire to build relationship with the River and the Tree and the Land.

At the suggestion of one of my wise and valued teachers, I carved Othala into the soft Earth beneath the Sycamore, then scraped the Earth and the Rune into a bowl.  I collected Water from the River into a jar and brought the Earth and the Water home.

In my bedroom I created an Altar to the Spirit of this Place where I now live.  I placed the Earth and the Water into silver dishes and scribed Othala into them and I placed a small Turtle fetish carved from green stone between them.  Every day that I am home, I light a candle and sing at this Altar, and every day that I can, I visit the Tree and the Riverbank and  I sing there as well.

The Spirit of this Place supports me and I give thanks for this new Friend.  Spirits of Place have been my allies since I was a small child and I give thanks for each one of them.  

Altars and the Structure of Daily Practice

I love altars.  I have many of them throughout my home.  When I moved from the Tree-house to the Keep, figuring out where the altars belonged, and how they should be dressed, was an essential part of the process of settling in.  It took a while, but my altars provide an important structure for my daily practice.

My altars are physical reminders, as well as sacred spaces.  I visit them to make offerings, and prayers to the Spirits that support me in my life and my work.  I light candles and incense and I tend to them each week, cleaning and pouring water or wine.  I sing and offer thanks for the blessings I have been given.

In the Christian faith the “Stations of the Cross” serve a similar purpose.  As the seeker walks from one station to another, they contemplate the divine truth represented there and recite certain prayers of devotion.  This structure and style of practice is helpful to me and supports my daily practice.

Daily practice is vital to my spiritual well being.  It is something that I need in order to thrive, to re-enchant my daily life.  Without it, I become faded and tired and my magick suffers.  Without daily practice I slowly starve. 

Daily practice is an essential structure in my life.  It supports my well being and my magick.  I am a believer in the power of daily practice.  I also believe that it is important to have structures in place to support that practice. 

I have come to see that the moment when a Witch crosses the threshold to Power, to living a truly magickal life, is often the moment when they begin to establish a daily practice to support that life and that work.  Whatever the form or structure, or lack thereof, however that practice is manifested by the seeker, it is the practice or absence of practice that makes the difference between struggling to live a life of magick and, living a magickal life.

The Divine Masculine, He is more than you think He is…

I was incredibly blessed this past weekend to spend it in the company of many men who embody the Divine Masculine.  I love many of these men and most of them I believe recognize the Divine Masculine within themselves.  Many, but not all. 

That is profoundly sad to me.  And since speaking Truth is part of my purpose in this life, I wish to describe some of the aspects of the God that are not always seen as such, so that those beloveds who look at me with confusion and denial when I tell them “Thou art the God” may begin to see the truth of my sight.

It is easy to see the God in His aspects of Hunter, Warrior, Mage, Priest, Father, Teacher and Guide.  Traditional Male roles of Power and Authority.  For the record, I have a great fondness for the Strength and Power to be found in Men who embody these Qualities of the Divine Masculine.  I am grateful for them and love them dearly.  My world would be a much less beautiful place for their absence.

But there are aspects of the God that are often over-looked or not recognized for the Beauty, Power and Life-giving Joy that they bring to the world, especially by those Men who embody Him in these ways.  The Lover, the Jester, the Healer, are also aspects of the Divine Masculine. 

The Lover, not only as sexual partner but, as “He who loves others with an open and tender heart.”  The God who brings Music to the world, and Art and Poetry.  He who gives warmth to others.  He who creates buildings and bridges, Who creates Magick and Enchantment.  He who draws us out of our isolation and brings us together for the warmth and pleasure of shared joy, fellowship, food, wine and song.

The Jester, The Divine Fool.  Is not irresponsible, un-intelligent, or careless but rather, He who makes us laugh, who invites us to lay down our burdens and sorrows for a time and Play, Carefree and Happy. He who allows us to return again to the innocent pleasure of being a child.  He who compels us to Dance and find Joy in the moment so that our lives can be engaged once again with a lighter heart.  He who brings us Revelry, so that we can remember that we are here to enjoy our lives.  Without Him, our world is dreary, lonely, cold despair indeed.

The Healer is “He who has compassion.”  He who cares for those in pain and who has the skills and strength and will to bring about a change in the situation.  The Healer has the courage to put others before Himself.  He is the one who recognizes the need for each of us to be touched and held.  He, like the Father and Teacher, is nurturing and strong, although He is not always recognized as such. 

Many people would ascribe these qualities to the Divine Feminine.  While I love the Goddess and respect and embrace all of her aspects, I recognize the Healer, Teacher and Poet in me as the sparks of the Divine Masculine that I embody. 

Yes, I am a Woman, a Mother, a Priestess.  I embody much of the Divine Feminine and I am grateful for the Goddess within me but, I also cherish the God, in all of His wonderful forms, including those sparks that manifest in my Female Human Soul.

Hail the God!  Hail the Divine Masculine!  He is more than you think He is…

Returning to Balance

My first instinct is to apologize for my silence over the past six months but, I remember that there is no one to apologize to, and that even if there were, I have nothing to apologize for.

There have been many changes in my life this year, and many of them I could not process while experiencing them.  Sometimes we have to ride the waves and then process on the shore.  Only after we have returned home can we put a framework around our experiences. 

In the past two months I left my position with my employer, only to be reinstated within two weeks time in a new position at a new location. During those two weeks I moved from my tree-house (where Pwca and I had lived for four and a half years) to a new home in a new town.  I turned 50 and have completed my physical transition into crone (at least the medical definition).  I have begun a new phase in my therapy and a new focus in my studies.  

I have come out the other side of a very dark time, and I am beginning a new adventure in just about every area of my life.

At Samhaine I received messages about my need for balance.  Time engaging in community and laying the foundation for the future, time with my beloveds, and time alone to write and to practice magick, are each desirable and necessary.  I am capable of doing all of these things.  Balancing them is a skill that I am learning.  Recognizing, respecting and communicating boundaries are skills I need to practice if I am to serve my beloveds as well as my own soul.

Returning to my writing is also necessary.  Because communicating about the joy and beauty I find in the world, in my community, with my Gods and Allies and Ancestors and beloveds, is one of the ways I fulfill my purpose. Expressing that joy and beauty helps me to remember it every day, which is how I find light among the shadows.  Blessed be.

Where I find Joy...

I have remembered something important recently.  

My purpose makes me strong.  

When I am engaged in the work of serving my Gods, and my beloveds, I am strong and well. The magick of service, of doing the work to be prepared to serve, of doing the work of serving, of fulfilling my purpose, makes me stronger, makes me whole, makes me well.

When I am serving my Gods and my beloveds, I am focused on the work, on the needs of another, on what I need to do to accomplish the required result.  In that place, I know that I am capable, that I am strong.  Doubt and despair and depression and panic, are obstacles that only hinder the work at hand.

When I engage with my Gods, my Ancestors, my Allies, when I engage with my purpose, with serving, with the work, I engage my true self. That self is not only capable but strong.  She is child and fully grown woman.  She is Witch and Priestess and Mother and Healer. She has gifts, and skills and talents and joy and Power. She has purpose and love and compassion and Will.

This where I find joy.

The Garden Forge; a visit to Brighid

You are standing in a clearing on a hill, surrounded by woods.

Before you stands a stone tower, the surface half-covered with moss.

There are ancient symbols carved into the stones and as you try to decipher them you notice a rough wooden door, dark with age.

You pull on the latch and slowly, the door opens enough to allow you to enter.

Inside it is quiet. Light filters in from windows high above and the air smells of wood smoke and blackberries. The floor is smooth and worn.  There is a stair to your left spiraling upward and to your right leading down.

You turn to your left and begin to ascend the stair.  The stone steps are even and smooth and easy to climb.  The light and air are warm and fragrant.  You can see glimpses of blue sky through the high narrow windows above you and you climb step by step up and around and up and up and up and around.  You can no longer see the door but you keep climbing wondering when you will reach the top.  Just as you are considering turning back you come to another door. 

The stair continues to spiral even further upward and you consider continuing your ascent but you notice a hammer hanging by the door. 

The door is a warm golden wood finely carved with intricate spirals and graceful symbols.  You test the latch and the door opens smoothly and easily outward into an orchard, filled with the sunshine of a bright summer day.  There is a path through the trees in front of you lined with blackberry bushes full of ripe black sweet berries.

You hear the sound of a hammer striking an anvil in a regular rhythm and you follow the orchard path to the source of the sound.   The trees are large and in full leaf and you cannot see beyond the ones immediately surrounding you. But you keep following the sound until just when you begin to think that the sound is actually your own heartbeat you step out from the next tree and find a roofed structure with no walls. 

Beneath the roof is a Forge.  The coals are glowing and a woman stands at the anvil beating the metal she is working, with the hammer in her hand. She is tall with a strong body and a presence that is even larger.  She seems to take up all the space within the forge.  Her short red hair, her entire body, seem to glow with flame. 

She plunges the piece into the basin of water beside her and the steam rises.  She then looks at you with bright hazel eyes and smiles a warm and welcoming smile, wiping sweat from her brow with her forearm.

This is Brighid, the Goddess of Smiths, the Mother of Midwives, and the Muse of Poets.  Warrior, Healer and Fiery Arrow.  Go to her and she will transform you, speak with her and she will heal you, listen to her and she will inspire you. 

When you feel it is time to go, thank the Lady and take your leave of Her.  Follow the path through the orchard back to the tower. The door stands open and you enter and descend the stair then pass through the open door to the place where you began.

Rebuilding...

For the past few months I have been undergoing a process of deconstruction, of tearing down everything that I count on, everything that I believe.  The destruction of my internal structures, the resurrection of unresolved memories, and the complete desolation of self had left me nothing but the core of my pathology, a crippled creature to be put down.  At one point a few weeks ago I was as far down into the abyss as I can ever remember being. 

My sister and Priestess was worried about me and said so, calling me to account and making me admit to the place I was occupying.  My brother and priest recognized that I was on the edge and pushed and poked until I lost the last bit of my control and, like a spring wound too tightly, I became un-sprung.  My beloved kinsman gave me objective guidance and tools to assist me in learning skills that I have lacked.  My lover held me and listened and talked and kept me from total isolation by giving me the comfort of his company and the wisdom of his own experience with his own abyss. 

I had lost my vision, I had lost my desire to continue to engage, to serve, I had nothing but doubt that I would ever be able to become what I need to be, even survival was not a sure thing but, I kept fighting.  And I am once again able to see the vision of what I can be.  I have remembered the desire to serve.  I have regained my feet and have discovered that I am not crippled.  I have found that lack of balance means I need to learn to dance in the void. 

Many of the ways in which I had functioned will not serve me in the work I hope to do.  I have begun new work, I am learning new skills, and engaging in new relationship with Deity.   I am rebuilding a new structure. I have a new vision of how to build a structure that will serve me and those I love.  One with more open space and less obstructions, less obstacles, with bigger windows to let in more light and to let in more air, to let the fires burn warmer and brighter, to let the waters flow more freely. 

I give thanks for those who helped me not only to survive the past few months but to rise from them ready to begin building something new.  May they be blessed and may I live up to their trust and their love.  Blessed Be

Are the Gods capricious?

Sometimes, when we have made the decision to finally, fully step onto the path with intent, but we have hesitated because we did not know where to begin, the Gods will give us a “push”.  They will answer our unformed intention, our unspoken desire, with what feels like a slap in the face or a kick in the teeth, or the rug being pulled out from under us.

Mine came eleven years ago as a very bad week at work and ultimately the loss of a job that was becoming a detriment to my life, my health, my sanity and my well-being.  It wasn’t a bad job.  It wasn’t unethical, nor was I treated poorly but, I was stuck in a cycle of stress, pressure, cocaine and crisis that I could not choose to walk away from.  I was deeply unhappy and I could not see a way out.  So Brighid found one for me.

I remember feeling incredibly relieved and smiling when I was told.  The cocaine use ended almost immediately and shortly thereafter I started massage school. I began to learn how to live in the moment, how to be present in my body, how to heal with my hands, how to move energy, and how to live mindfully.  For the next six years I had time to practice my faith both in my work and in my life,  In those years I found my coven and my community and began walking my path with direction and purpose. 

Five years ago, after my first degree initiation, I became a bonded member of my coven, began working as a banker, I left a marriage, began my second degree initiation process, and moved house three times in one year until I found my current home. In the four years since I landed in the home They intended for me, I have been promoted twice, completed my second degree initiation, quit my job, and returned to it, began my third degree initiation process, and began therapy.

I have learned to follow the path that is never clear, to listen to my intuition and correct my course, to see where it is that The Gods want me to go and to take each step toward that place one at a time, finding the next only after taking the one in front of me.  They have pushed me and kept me in my job even when I wanted to be doing something else.  They have allowed me to be alone and lonely, in love and disappointed.  They have pushed me to learn who I am and to dig into profoundly painful truths. 

But as long as I keep taking the next step, as long as I continue forward into that journey they intend for me, they have not needed to kick me in the teeth.

My Gods are not cruel, they are not capricious but, they do not care all that much about my comfort, or my “happiness”.  What they do seem to care about is my readiness to do the work and the evolution of my spirit.  I can only do the work if I am sane, healthy, strong and whole.  If my mind, heart, soul or body is encumbered by dysfunction or deformity, I am not as useful to them, or to my purpose, my family, my coven, my community or my world. 

If I am listening and willing to follow their guidance, they have no need to rain stones upon my head, they can simply whisper in my ear.  They will dance as lightly in my life as possible, or as brutally as necessary…the choice is mine.

They have never abandoned me, or asked me to do anything unethical or anything that I was not capable of doing (although I may not have believed it at the time).  They have always lead me to do that which was better for me…even when they needed to kick me in the teeth to get me there.  I am Blessed by my Gods and I Give Thanks.

Personal Ritual...

I love Ritual.  It appeals to both the orderly parts of me and to the parts of me that love magick, that need inspiration in order to live and be happy.

I have participated in some truly great rituals, I have written and facilitated some very good rituals, and I am a student of rituals and how they work.

My daily practice involves many small rituals. 

Rituals of Air…and breathing.

Rituals of Water…and cleansing.

Rituals of Earth…eating and grounding, and touching the Earth.

Rituals of Fire…lighting candles and insence.

Rituals of Spirit…listening to the winds and the trees, to water and to stones, to the Sun and the Moon and the Stars, and writing and creating.

Rituals of Gratitude...making offerings and prayers, singing. 

Rituals of Healing...and listening to self.

Rituals of Love and Life…cuddling with Pwca, and touching with Lovers, and sharing community with Beloveds.

Rituals give my life order and structure…and magick and inspiration.

Life is ritual…

On the power and necessity of Water...

My body needs water.

I need to drink water to keep my body clean inside, to keep it healthy and strong, to keep it clear of toxins and stagnation.  I need to have clean water flowing through me to be well.

I need water flowing over my body.  I need it to flow over my hands and my feet to clear off the detritus that clings after walking about in the world.  I need it to clear my subtle bodies of the stuff of life that does not nurture.

I need it flowing through my heart, mind and soul, and from my heart, mind and soul.  I need it to flow like the river, so that the pressure does not become too great and burst the container, so that it does not stagnate and become toxic.

Water is the universal solvent.  It cleans away detritus and toxins and stagnation.  Flowing, it has strength and force that can accomplish great movement and change.  It carves and wears and shapes and moves all that it comes in contact with.  It is the most fluid and mutable and yet tangible element of all.

I am mist and rain and torrent and snowfall…and I am the river and the lake…and a wave in the universal Ocean.

Water is Life.

Freyja-Vanadis; a new relationship...

Twenty-one years ago, when I began this journey and began meeting the Gods and building relationships with them, I learned the story of Freyja-Vanadis, the Vanir Goddess of love, sex, beauty, war, death and magick who lived with the Aesir and learned the Runes from Odin and in return taught Seidr to the All-Father.  At that time, and for years after, I made petition to Her to work with me, but the Lady was silent. 

I have always believed that She heard me and that Her silence was Her answer…I was not ready.  It was not that I was unsuitable, or that I was unworthy…I was simply not ready to learn the lessons that she would teach me.  I had work to do, other lessons to learn, skills to develop, before I could understand or effectively practice the magick that she had to teach me.

I attended the Conjure Dance at Sacred Space/Between the Worlds Conference a couple of weeks ago and, this year I was successful in opening enough to enter trance and converse with the Gods.

I spoke with and heard the voices of Beloved Deities with whom I have had relationships for years.  It was profoundly moving and I am grateful that the work that I have done in this past year was successful.  It was something that I have spent a great deal of energy and focus on and it meant a great deal to me to discover that I am indeed capable of opening enough, and to do so in the presence of other human beings.

But the most surprising voice was that  of the Lady.   Freyja-Vanadis spoke to me.  And what She said to me was this,

“Now, you are ready”.

And so I am once again building  a new relationship with the Goddess.  She has already brought many new experiences and insights, new friendships and new perspectives, a new understanding of my Self and of my work in the world, and of my service to others, and of the nature of love.  And I see more clearly what I have now that I did not have then.  

I am both honored and filled with hope to begin the work that She and I will do together…to begin the work that She would teach me.  I am also filled with the joy I find in knowing Her.

Hail Freyja-Vanadis, Lady of Light, Beauty, Fire, Passion, Joy, Magick and Love! Hail and Welcome!

Trust and Faith in the Gods…

There are many who worship or honor the Gods. There are many who work with and serve the Gods.  There are many who love and praise the Gods.  But how many of us have faith in or trust the Gods?

Faith is belief in the Gods…knowing who They are and that They are real, even believing that They hear us and speak to us…faith is relatively easy…but Trust is another matter.

Trust happens when you take action based upon faith.  Trust is doing what They have asked even when you don’t see the benefit…only the cost.  And when it comes to Gods who have a reputation for dubious dealing…well Trust is a hard thing, maybe too hard.

But I do trust my Gods…even the Ones with questionable reputations.  I trust Them because in my experience…They have NEVER let me down.  They have never abandoned me; They have never asked for what I cannot give…nor for anything that it did not benefit me to do.  They have never asked me to do something that was not within my ethical boundaries.

Sometimes the price is high and often…nearly always, it has been unexpected…but the gifts I have received in return have always been greater.

Trusting the Gods, acting on Their guidance, is often uncomfortable.  It is sometimes painful, and can be quite frightening or simply confusing, because I do not always see Their purpose.  But They have never failed to lead me to that which is better for me, and for those I love. 

I do not follow blindly.  I am responsible for my choices and my actions.  I would not do something I felt to be unethical at Their bidding.  I do believe negotiation is appropriate as it is in any relationship but, I do Trust…because They have earned my Trust.  

Telling Stories

As above so below.  I believe that when we create something on the Astral plane we manifest it on the physical plane.  That is one way of making magick, and one that I find to be very natural for me.  I do this most often through telling stories.

 I am a storyteller.  It is part of my nature. I believe in stories, I read the stories of my Gods to know them better. I listen to the stories others tell about themselves.  I tell my stories to those whom I want to know me. 

When I want to change my life, I create a story of what I want that change to be, and then I tell it to myself, and my Gods, Ancestors and Allies in sacred space. 

When I want to show another what might be possible, I tell them a story of what I can see and I plant a seed in their mind, heart and soul, that they can choose to manifest if they desire it. 

Stories can heal, teach, guide and make magick.  As above so below.  So mote it be.

Knowledge, Wisdom and Gnosis; the faces of Truth

Knowledge is the first face of Truth.  It is information, facts, academic and utilitarian.  It is a beginning, but only the beginning. 

Wisdom is the second face of Truth.  It is Knowledge applied to life.  It is theoretical but useful.  It is necessary if one is to actually benefit from Knowledge.

Gnosis is the third face of Truth. It is Wisdom experienced.  Having applied Knowledge to life, and having experienced the Truth of that Wisdom, we achieve the understanding of Gnosis, Truth through Experience.

Acquire Knowledge, for it is valuable.  Learn Wisdom for it too is valuable.  But to achieve Gnosis is to understand the Mystery of Truth. This is the purpose of Life.  

Cernunnos; into the woods

My Coven’s Patron is the Horned God Cernunnos, Lord of the Wild, both the wild within the Natural World and within the Human Soul.

The following is a Journey I wrote a couple of years ago as a way to introduce others to my Beloved Wild God.  I hope you enjoy the experience.  Good Journey.

You are standing in a clearing on a hill, surrounded by woods.

Before you stands a stone tower, the surface half-covered with moss.

There are ancient symbols carved into the stones and as you try to decipher them you notice a rough wooden door, dark with age.

You pull on the latch and slowly, the door opens enough to allow you to enter.

Inside it is quiet. Air warm as a summer night drifts down from windows high above. The floor is smooth and worn.  There is a stair to your left spiraling upward and to your right leading down.

You turn to your left and begin to ascend the stair.  The stone steps are even and smooth and easy to climb.  The air is warm and fragrant.  You can see glimpses of a starry sky through the high narrow windows above you and you climb step by step up and around and up and up and up and around.  You can no longer see the door but you keep climbing wondering when you will reach the top.  Just as you are considering turning back you come to another door. 

The stair continues to spiral even further upward and you consider continuing your ascent but you are drawn to the door. It is a warm golden wood carved with spirals and ancient symbols.  You test the latch and the door opens smoothly and easily outward into a forest of ancient trees in full green, the stars of the summer night sparkling through the leaves and branches high above your head. 

Fire flies glow and blink their green light everywhere between the trees and as you watch them you notice a path before you and a creature standing in the path some yards ahead.  It is large and very still and you have to look for a few moments before you can discern what the creature is.  Then you begin to make out the graceful antlers reaching up from its brow and you know that the creature standing so still, waiting for you, is a Great Stag.  And He is indeed waiting.  You step forward onto the path and the Stag begins to walk away from you. You stop and he stops looking back at you and waiting, so you step forward again and follow the magnificent creature as it leads you down the path deep into the forest.

You follow the Stag for what seems a very long distance.  You begin to worry that you will be lost in these woods but then the Stag disappears around a bend in the path and when you reach the spot, your heart pounding from the fear that you have lost your guide, you find yourself in a glade, the Stag indeed gone from sight. 

The ground is clear and smooth, a small brook flows along one side and there reclining beside the brook, playing with the flowing water with one hand, is a very strange looking man.

He is naked and his long brown hair is braided with vines and feathers and from his brow raises a graceful pair of antlers.

This is Cernunnos.  Green Man and Horned God.  Lord of the Forest, Lord of the Beasts.  The Wild God. 

He looks up at you and grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief and what seems like laughter.  He doesn’t speak but rises and you hear plainly in your head “Lets Run!”

 He runs, and you follow.  You find that despite what you would have expected you are able to run as fast as He.  Faster and easier than you ever have, leaping higher and with more power and grace than you have ever known. It is exhilarating and your heart beats and your blood rushes through your veins and your muscles move with a strength and agility you have only ever dreamt of.   You Run and run  until you finally lose sight of him and you stop running, not even a little out of breath and step forward into the glade and find him as you did before.

Drink from the brook, cool your brow if you wish, relax on the soft ground.  Spend as much time as you like with the God.

When you feel it is time to go, thank the God and take your leave of Him.  Follow the path back to the tower. The door stands open and you enter and descend the stair then pass through the Door to the place where you began.

a friend of the Fae...

In my experience of my Gods, Ancestors and Allies, the boundaries between Deity, Fae, Animal Spirits, Land Spirits, and Ancestors are blurred.  One may be all of those simultaneously.  The Fae with whom I have relationships are among the Deities that I worship and work with, They are among the Ancestors that I worship and work with, They are Deities of the Land, and They also often present Themselves as Animal Spirits.  Some Deities may be Fae, and some Fae may be Deity. 

I am a friend of the Fae, and I consider Them to be among my relations.  I have had a relationship with One for this entire lifetime, and with two Others for more than this lifetime. And I work with Others that I have come to know since I have walked this path.  

Aside of my own relationships, I am not an authority on the Fae.  I have on occasion been asked by other witches how to go about working with Them, and so I would like to share some of what I have learned through those relationships in the interest of assisting others to avoid doing damage to the relations between our two species.  It is very important to me that the bonds between us be restored and healed. 

Understand that the Fae are different from us and they are, like us, individuals.  Building relationships happens between individuals.  And understanding the differences in how to build relationships is important in order not to do more damage to the relations between us.

 

Until you have built a relationship with an individual and even after, whenever dealing with someone with whom you do not have a relationship, certain guidelines should be respected.  Do not “thank” the Fae, do not accept food or drink, do not offer or give a part of yourself such as hair, or any personal belonging.  Most of all, do not ever make a promise and not do absolutely everything within your power to keep it.

If you are only interested in dabbling, please do not pursue working with the Fae.  They do not take well to being trifled with.  They also do not deal lightly with liars.  That may seem a strong word to apply to fickleness but, in dealing with Them, “changing your mind” or “losing interest” or becoming distracted with some other area of interest, is not an excuse for not keeping your word. 

Building relationships takes time, They will not necessarily respond quickly to your efforts.  But if you truly desire to build a lifelong working relationship with an individual of the Fae, there are some ways in which you might proceed. 

Find a place where there may be Fae nearby.  Find places that feel welcoming.  If the place feels wrong, if you do not feel welcome there, leave and do not return, find someplace else.  Give Them respect and do not invade places where you are not welcome. 

Find Natural places, Wild places, Between places, where water and earth touch, or where sky and earth touch, or where certain trees are known to grow in close proximity to each other.  Visit these places and spend time sitting quietly. 

Take offerings of milk, or spirits (alcohol) or honey.  Take oats and apples and any other offerings that seem right to you.  Play music and sing for them, and spend time waiting and listening.  

Declare your hope and intentions and then, keep your word.  Even if you receive no response.  Even when you think that you have not been heard. Even when you get bored and tired.  Keep showing up and keep waiting and listening.  And when someone shows up, follow the guidelines above. 

Understand that not everyone who may show up is someone with whom you want to build a relationship but, if they prove to be honorable, you must be so as well. 

The Fae with whom I share relationship are beloved to me, and I strive to restore positive relations between our Human species and Thiers.  They have given me guidance and healing and purpose.  I give thanks for Them.

If you desire to know more, I can recommend teachers who can give an even greater understanding of Their kind.  Leave me a comment below including your email address and I will be happy to send you information of where to find such teachers.  Blessed Be.