Sunday, July 20, 2014

Hail Odin!


Hail Odin, the All-Father!
Hail the wise Father of the Mighty!
Hail the noble Father of the Brave!

He whose eye was sacrificed to Mimir’s well!
He who hung upon the Tree,
For nine days and nights did He hang there,
To bring forth magick and wisdom did He sacrifice Himself,

Hail Odin who sees the truth and raises up the honorable warrior!
Hail the wise Father of the Mighty!
Hail the noble Father of the Brave!

All hail Odin the All-Father!
All hail His Bright and Noble Sons!

This is the third fulfillment of vows that I have made to Tyr, Thor and Odin.  I give thanks to Them and praise Them for their Wisdom, Honor, Strength, and Nobility.  They have vindicated Their son and delivered him from peril and will continue to raise him up victorious.  So Mote It Be.  Hail Tyr!  Hail Thor!  Hail Odin!

Monday, July 7, 2014

No More Pretending...


When you are different, it is sometimes easier to pretend, for the sake of others, that you are other than your nature. 

Pretending can be a useful strategy for making others more comfortable, and to get them to leave you alone. When they are not bothering you, you can spend your energy doing as you please, rather than constantly reassuring others or dealing with their questions, their concerns, their judgments or their wishes.  Stealth is also very useful because it allows you to accomplish what you want with less effort and less conflict.  It allows you to get things done without direct opposition. 

The problem with spending years in stealth mode and with pretending to be what everyone else is comfortable with, is that it becomes a habit so entrenched in your life, a pattern so deeply imbedded, that you might forget that it's not who you truly are.  And breaking that habit will take a lot of hard work.

It will take diligence and perseverance and sometimes, what may seem to be rather extreme measures.  It will take courage and intent and more hard work.  It may cause anxiety, fear, confusion, panic, more confusion, for yourself but, also for those around you. 

You will have to deal with those you love feeling afraid because you are no longer speaking or behaving in the way that they have come to expect, nor in the way that they want you to.

And you will feel awkward, because walking around as you is much different that walking around as the person you have been pretending to be. 

You might wear different clothes, different shoes, have a different posture, a different gait, a different voice that may sound strange to your ears.   You may even find yourself giving voice to thoughts you have only ever heard inside your own head before, and that will be strange too.

I am done pretending to be small.  I am done pretending to be timid. I am done pretending to be weak.  I am done being quiet.  I am done being what someone else is comfortable with.   I am done with the comfort of stealth mode, with the comfort of pretending. I am done with the comfort of habit. 

I am done living a half-life that belongs to someone else.  It is time to begin living my life as truthfully, as openly, as loudly, as largely, as I will.  No More Pretending.

If you are one of my beloveds, consider this fair warning.  I am larger than you have perceived, braver than you have guessed, stronger than you have imagined, louder than you may be comfortable with, and more powerful than you may wish.  I promise to be patient with you as you become accustomed to me.  I love you and I want you in my life, but I will continue to keep pushing until I have found how to live with the integrity that my Gods, my Ancestors and my own Soul require.  
So Mote It Be.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Re-awakening


When I finally came to this path, or returned to it, and I do believe that this was always the path I was meant to follow, I was almost dead.  I think that is why I finally found the path.  I needed to, without it I was done for this life.

I had silenced and shadowed and suppressed every natural and wild instinct I had, every magickal impulse, every source or expression of power, every hope my heart and soul and mind and body and spirit had ever had of living.

I can finally see now, that through all of it, I kept trying.  I kept reaching and pushing and scratching and clawing, I kept trying through my childhood, through my adolescence, through my years of wandering the wasteland.  Then, I found a book, and in that book I found a glimpse of what my path should be, what my life could be, and I finally began to let myself live.

It has taken another twenty-one years to fully emerge from that half-life of sleepwalking.  Over that time I have slowly and painfully re-awakened much of myself.  Each of the parts of myself had to be remembered and revived.  Each of my chakras has had to be unlocked and brought out of a state of near-death.  I feel as though I am finally ready to begin. 

In attempting to see my whole self these past few weeks, I have discovered that the last part of me to awaken may be the most important, the most vital, the key to my strength and power. My sacral chakra is the one part of me that I have only recently begun to allow free expression and it is the place in my body that I most identify as myself, as “home”.

From my earliest memories, that part of me has never stopped striving to express itself, not to the world, but to myself.  In allowing my source uncensored freedom to express and explore and experience, I have discovered that life has more depth, more vibrancy, more energy, more color and sound.  Every sense I have, including my psychic senses, as well as my “sense of self” has been heightened.  I have more energy to engage with others, with my work, with my life, with my writing and with my magick.

Each of my chakras, each of my parts, must be healthy and whole, free to express and experience life, to do the work of living.  I cannot allow any of them to be silenced or shadowed if I am to complete my work. If I am to live the life I am meant to live.  I give thanks for dear friends who have helped me to awaken and become more fully alive.  Blessed be.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

No Holding Back


This past Midsummer, my coven held the kind of ritual that makes magick that follows you home.  We were challenged to declare our beauty and our successes, our flaws and what we have left undone, and what we will do to continue that work.  We also challenged one another because; sometimes we see each other more clearly than we see ourselves. 

One of the wisest women I have ever met is an initiate of my coven and one of my greatest teachers.  Her challenge to me was “no holding back”.  That is indeed one of the principles that I have been striving to live by, not always successfully.  Lifelong habits are difficult to break.  It takes practice and diligence.

This past autumn I had the opportunity to fall in love, and indeed I did fall in love, with someone that I have loved and respected and trusted for quite some time.  This man is beautiful and brilliant and strong and compassionate and there is no reason in the universe that I should not have fallen in love with him, in fact it was quite inevitable I think.

Yet, instead of telling him, or showing him, instead of going to him and loving him the way my heart desired to, uncensored, without reservation, I held back.  I did not hold back out of fear, but gave myself rational and logical “reasons” and they matter not even a little bit because, I let the opportunity to love him go unrealized. 

What “reason” could possibly justify squandering the chance to show someone how you love them?  Even, or especially, if it was only a brief moment in time, would not every second that you could share with them be a priceless treasure not to be wasted?  Every moment we live is a chance to embrace our soul’s true calling.  What higher calling can there be, but to love others the way our hearts would dictate?

I let that chance pass by, I held back.  I cannot change that, life does not work that way.  But I will not continue to hold back.  Not my love, nor my magick, not my words, nor my power, not my desires, nor my purpose.  Not with my family, not with my friends, not with my beloveds nor with my community, nor with anyone else with whom I might fall in love.

I will live my life, no holding back, so mote it be.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

magick on myself...overcoming social anxiety


In the past few weeks I have had opportunities to engage with people that I had not previously met.  One was social and another was professional. 

I am an extremely introverted person.  While many people would consider opportunities like these to be exciting and something to seek out and to look forward to with anticipation, I typically feel quite the opposite.  I will generally avoid these types of situations if I can, and I feel a great deal of anxiety about them if I cannot.

To be honest, I feel at least some level of anxiety about even being with people that I know and love and enjoy, be they family, friends or community.  I find that being with others requires a good deal of energy from me and often I simply do not have enough energy stores to engage in the way that I would choose to, to be warm and friendly and authentic all at the same time. 

It isn’t that I do not like people; I do, very much in fact but, engaging in the way I would like to isn’t necessarily easy.  Most of the time I prefer to share in community and family through observation rather than interaction.  

But, if I am to fulfill my purpose, I cannot simply observe the world, or my community, or my family.  For example, my granddaughter will never remember me if I never engage with her, if I only ever watch her.  No matter how much joy I gain from doing so, I can experience more joy by engaging with her actively.

I cannot make an impact on others unless I engage with them.  I cannot always remain safely at home and communicate through the written word alone.  Nor do I desire to.  I want to engage with others, I want to love my family and my friends, and I want to serve my Gods and my community, I want to re-enchant my world. 

My purpose is to leave the world changed by my having lived this life, to communicate who I am and where I have been and how I have traveled while I walked this path.  I cannot accomplish this in solitude or isolation.  I do not wish to. Truth be told, I do not learn as much or grow as much as I do with the catalyst of interaction with others and I cannot serve anyone if I am not willing to engage with them. 

On a practical level, I need to work to support myself and that means having a job out there in the world.  In fact, seeking a job that better supports my life and my true work, my magick, was the reason for one of the opportunities I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

I am pleased to say that I successfully navigated both of the opportunities in question.  I had a second interview which went equally well and I am hopeful of receiving an offer soon.  As for the social, I was warm and charming and engaged and I learned a good deal.  I may even attend again soon. 

As witches, we often use magick to assist us in our everyday lives.  Occasionally I will cast spells of operative magick but, rarely have I cast a spell upon myself and I have never before used my magick in the way that I did in these recent situations.  

I enchanted my jewelry for protection and clarity of hearing, and I energized my solar plexus, my voice, and my third eye, to project warmth and strength, to communicate clearly and authentically and, to perceive others as they truly are. 

I also invoked the protection and power of my Beloved Patron.  The magick was successful in accomplishing what I had intended but, it did more than that.  It taught me about my self, and who I am in the light. 

I gained greater perspective on just who I am in my power and in my strength.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Midsummer


The Sun in strength shines warm and bright,  

The Earth in green bursts full with life;

The veil now thins, the night descends,

The faeries dance in starlight bands;

and now begins the growth of night.



Thursday, June 12, 2014

Lunae Memoriae

Moon by Helen Jarvis Reynolds

My Lady sails through silver sky,
Her pale skin, a shade of light,
She glows in brilliant radiance, my lover faire.

With gentle grace she wanders through the night,
Her gossamer gown flows ‘round about her feet,
Her footsteps leaving stardust in her path.

She sings with laughter, starlight song,
Her voice, a gentle shining mist,
Whispering the mystery.

Her soft touch, cool as evening aire,
Her kisses shimmer on my skin,
Gifts of music, soft and sweet. 

Dancing through eternity,
My lover faire,
My Lady of sweet memory.