Thursday, October 23, 2014


Valour is an old word, and an old idea.  It is the idea of courage in the face of danger.  Of honor in the face of adversity.  But for me it is also about truth in the face of injustice.  It is inspired righteous anger and the will compelled to action.  And the choice to accept the consequences of that action.  

Valour is not courage for the self, but for the defense, protection and freedom of those who are valued above and beyond the self.  Valour is a virtue to which I aspire.  May my Gods, my Ancestors and my Allies grant me the grace to rise to their call to Valour.

Thursday, October 16, 2014


Magick is not an immediate thing.  Sometimes it works in ways that are completely sideways from what you expected.  Your intention may be clear, and it does work if you are not muddled in your intention but, it seldom actually happens the way you think it will.

And sometimes, especially when the magick involves changing the way you exist, the way you function, your internal structures, and the way your magick works, it can take a long time and it can be unsettling, ungraceful, and even painful.  But that does not mean that the magick is not working. 

I have been feeling un-reconciled.  The magick feels un-resolved.  That is because it is.  It is working itself out and that takes time.  It is difficult to be patient.  It is uncomfortable to be changing.  But the journey is where we learn the lessons.  The path is not the destination but, rather the experience  we gain along the way.

Transformation, evolution, is a flowing river, always moving and shifting and becoming.  Always un-reconciled.  I am learning to sit and walk and work and love and live in the current.  Blessed be.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Unlocking the boxes...

For the past six months or so one of my specific and stated intentions has been to unlock the boxes within myself, to discover what lies within them, and to master whatever I might find there. 

The boxes and my intention to unlock them are not constantly in my waking consciousness.  Sometimes I forget for moments or days at a time, I become distracted by daily life, by the normal everyday of living.  And then something draws my attention back to the boxes and I am reminded that even when I am not paying attention, even when I am not actively pursuing this intent, words said in sacred space have power and the magick is continuing.

My Patron has been insistent that this is necessary if I am to take on the responsibility of completing my third degree initiation.  That it is required in order to find and use my power.  That it is non-negotiable if I am to truly know myself. I am not arguing this point but, it has been difficult and painful. 

I have been on a journey of self-discovery regarding my own identity, specifically my sexual identity.  This has resulted in many of the boxes being unlocked and the shamanic healing that I sought has also had a similar effect. The result has been particularly extreme in this past week.

I have been dreaming and remembering and it has robbed me of sleep and of peace in my waking life.  The lack of sleep and the images and emotions in my dreams have robbed me of my ability to shut down my emotions and of my shields against feeling too much.  I have even resorted to old behaviors out of desperation in an attempt to escape the return of feelings and thoughts that I have not had in decades.

Old ways of thinking have reared their heads.  The argument that it would be safer not to love, that it would be easier to remain strong and cold and hard, that allowing my heart to feel again is a mistake.  There is a very strong urging to walk away from anyone who threatens to touch me, to make me feel.  That trusting anyone who could abandon me, or take something from me, is a foolish risk not to be considered.  The desire to hurt those I do love in order to drive them away from me is incredibly intense as well.

My heart feels like it has been frozen and the thaw and return of feeling are as painful as frostbitten limbs being flushed with blood again.  It has also been violent in its awakening.  And the fact that others have witnessed my convulsions has been humiliating. 

The pain in my heart remains and I do not know for certain that it will ever really go away now.  Perhaps this is what it feels like to be alive.  I do not really know but, I will not abandon my intent.  I will do whatever is necessary to live, and to love, and to feel.  I will not turn back, no matter what may come.  So Mote It Be.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Hephzibah House Remembered...

I unlocked the dusty cobweb covered box and opened it wide, and found…empathy.

I also found memories of a place that I visited once about twenty-seven years ago.  The visual and olfactory memory of a place where girls, who have committed no crime other than to be born into families where their spirits are abhorred, are held in captivity and no one has yet been able to free them.  My heart becomes filled with rage when I think of them.  I have remembered them off and on over the past years.  But, as is often the case when our life is not directly impacted, I put it aside because, after all, it is not mine.  But if it is not mine then, Whose is it?  Are they not my daughters, sisters, granddaughters?  Do they not belong to the God and the Goddess simply because they exist? 

They belong to me because, I remember them. 

It matters not that they and their families live within a culture of fear.  They are not lost.  They are not forgotten.  I call upon Kali to see them, to hear the unvoiced cries they dare not make  even within their own minds, hearts and souls. I call upon every Goddess and God with whom I have relationship. I call upon every daughter and son of the Goddess and the God.

My patroness Arianrhod is a Goddess of Sovereignty and she has given me a fire in my heart to act against this prison, in whatever way I can, to bring freedom to these, her daughters.  I will work every day until Hephzibah House is no more. 

“Do not turn away. Do not turn your hearts to stone.  Swing wide the doors of the prison-house and let in the bright light of day.  Let the truth be spoken aloud so that it cannot be ignored, let their pain be felt so that it cannot be forgotten, let not the children be kept unseen.  Do not let them remain invisible.  Shed tears for them, weep openly.  Do not let their spirits be murdered in silence.  Tear down the walls and break their chains.  Do not rest until this house and its jailers have been razed to the ground and turned to dust and ash.”

If you find within your heart a desire to work to free these girls, light a candle to whichever Goddess or God that you worship, and make prayers for the freedom of these children.  Leave a comment below if you wish.  Blessed be.

To the Survivors of Hephzibah House, may you find healing with your God or mine, may your stories be heard, may your efforts be victorious, may your lives be blessed, and may your spirits find joy and know their true worth.  Your strength and your courage inspire me.  Blessed be.

Truth against the World

“Truth against the World” is an old Welsh proverb. When I read it for the first time, it jumped off the page and into my mind and began yelling, and it has been yelling at me ever since…

Its meaning to me is clear;

Truth, even if the whole world despises you for it. 

Truth, above all. 

Truth, no matter the consequences. 

Truth, no matter how painful. 

Truth, no matter how ugly.

Truth, no matter how uncomfortable.

Truth, no matter how frightening.

“the Truth will make you free.” 

“to thine own self be True.”

Truth is the greatest calling I can imagine.