The Spirits of the Lodge...

I had not visited the Sweat Lodge in so long I could not quite remember just how long it had been.  It had either been a year and a half or two and a half years.  Regardless, it had been TOO long.

The Lodge is a unique place.  There is no other structure I know of with quite that type of none-linear time/space.  The Ancient Ones (the Stones) somehow meet us in that liminal place and there we offer our prayers but, more profoundly, there They teach us.

There have been times when I entered the Lodge knowing what my prayers would be, what my work and intentions would be.  This time I prayed silently for the Spirits of the Lodge to teach me what I needed to learn. 

I had made the two and one half hour drive by myself, beginning before dawn.  I had watched the sun rise in silence on a quiet road.  I had simply stayed open and quiet and allowed the Spirits of the Lodge to speak as They would to my soul. 

The messages that I received were about listening to discover what my loved ones need from me and what I need to be well.  About allowing my passions to remain strong but finding ways to express those within my own boundaries as well as the boundaries of those I love.  About the fact that fear and anger are not only acceptable but necessary emotions, that they are useful when kept in appropriate proportion and when put to proper use. And that love is not something I need to earn.  And that all things will manifest according to the commitment I afford them.

I give thanks for the Water-Pourer, the Fire–Tenders, the Ancient Ones, the Spirits of the Land, the Spirits of the Lodge and the Beloveds who care for all those present.

I will not allow so much time to pass before I return again.  Blessed be.  

Are the Gods capricious?

Sometimes, when we have made the decision to finally, fully step onto the path with intent, but we have hesitated because we did not know where to begin, the Gods will give us a “push”.  They will answer our unformed intention, our unspoken desire, with what feels like a slap in the face or a kick in the teeth, or the rug being pulled out from under us.

Mine came eleven years ago as a very bad week at work and ultimately the loss of a job that was becoming a detriment to my life, my health, my sanity and my well-being.  It wasn’t a bad job.  It wasn’t unethical, nor was I treated poorly but, I was stuck in a cycle of stress, pressure, cocaine and crisis that I could not choose to walk away from.  I was deeply unhappy and I could not see a way out.  So Brighid found one for me.

I remember feeling incredibly relieved and smiling when I was told.  The cocaine use ended almost immediately and shortly thereafter I started massage school. I began to learn how to live in the moment, how to be present in my body, how to heal with my hands, how to move energy, and how to live mindfully.  For the next six years I had time to practice my faith both in my work and in my life,  In those years I found my coven and my community and began walking my path with direction and purpose. 

Five years ago, after my first degree initiation, I became a bonded member of my coven, began working as a banker, I left a marriage, began my second degree initiation process, and moved house three times in one year until I found my current home. In the four years since I landed in the home They intended for me, I have been promoted twice, completed my second degree initiation, quit my job, and returned to it, began my third degree initiation process, and began therapy.

I have learned to follow the path that is never clear, to listen to my intuition and correct my course, to see where it is that The Gods want me to go and to take each step toward that place one at a time, finding the next only after taking the one in front of me.  They have pushed me and kept me in my job even when I wanted to be doing something else.  They have allowed me to be alone and lonely, in love and disappointed.  They have pushed me to learn who I am and to dig into profoundly painful truths. 

But as long as I keep taking the next step, as long as I continue forward into that journey they intend for me, they have not needed to kick me in the teeth.

My Gods are not cruel, they are not capricious but, they do not care all that much about my comfort, or my “happiness”.  What they do seem to care about is my readiness to do the work and the evolution of my spirit.  I can only do the work if I am sane, healthy, strong and whole.  If my mind, heart, soul or body is encumbered by dysfunction or deformity, I am not as useful to them, or to my purpose, my family, my coven, my community or my world. 

If I am listening and willing to follow their guidance, they have no need to rain stones upon my head, they can simply whisper in my ear.  They will dance as lightly in my life as possible, or as brutally as necessary…the choice is mine.

They have never abandoned me, or asked me to do anything unethical or anything that I was not capable of doing (although I may not have believed it at the time).  They have always lead me to do that which was better for me…even when they needed to kick me in the teeth to get me there.  I am Blessed by my Gods and I Give Thanks.