Friday, December 26, 2014

Christmas is Magick...

I grew up celebrating Christmas.  Christmas Eve was always a most magickal moment in time to me.  And while most of my life it was also a time of sadness (I did not truly understand why until recently) the magick of it is something that I cannot and will not forsake. 

I celebrate Yule, the Return of the Light but, I believe that the magick that follows a few days after is incredibly powerful.  Christmas enchants people.  People who cannot find enchantment in their world for most of the year can still find hope of it in that moment.  And that hope is a priceless treasure.

Our world needs all the magick it can find.  Our people (human people) need all the magick and hope they can glean from anywhere they can find it.  There is so much hopelessness and sorrow in this world, there is so much grief and despair, there is so much pain and sadness, there is so much anger and rage in the hearts and souls of so many of my kin (humans and others). 

People I love are in pain and it breaks my heart to see them so.  So tonight I will leave you with this one thought.  Love is real, magick is real, we are not beyond hope, we are not beyond healing. We can find our way if we just keep seeking.  Love is the law, may it reign forever.

Much love to you, blessed be.

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Us and Them

I have noticed a common theme in a lot of discourse lately.  In political discourse, in the discourse among the greater Pagan community, in the social discourse of our society.  The persistence of the idea that there are separate groups of people who are somehow common to each other and yet separate from other groups.  Black and white, male and female, rich and poor, cis and trans, gay and straight, old and young, christian and pagan, liberal and conservative.

The thing I find incongruous about these distinctions is that they are perceived but not actually real.  Not all women have the same experiences, not all cis women have the same experiences, not all white, straight, cis women, who grew up at the same time in the same socio-economic situation in the same geographic area, or even in the same family of origin have the same life experiences.

We are a common species with a common genome.  We are all human and that is all the commonality we really have or need.  Each one of us has a unique experience in this or any lifetime.  Any two or three people can find other points in common.  Mothers are mothers no matter the color of their skin.  Men are men no matter who they love.  Women and men of different generations and different backgrounds can find that deep inside they share something of shadow. 

We are each unique and yet, we each share points in common with other people.  I believe that if we look to see truly, we can find one point of commonality with any other individual human we meet.  We can each learn something, a different perspective than our own, from the unique differences of each other's experiences. It is my hope that in the coming year we will each strive to see us all as us, and not as us and them.  

Thursday, December 11, 2014


From the Darkness of the Void,
deep and silent,
on the longest of nights,
stars sparkle in the sky above;
reflecting sparks rising from the fires of Hope.
And in the East,
the horizon shimmers
with the coming Dawn.

Saturday, December 6, 2014


I have lived in my tree-house for over three and a half years now.  When I first moved in, I cleansed my rooms, blessed them and cast protections. If those protections were not strong, they were sufficient for the magick that I was capable of at the time.  At that time my relationships with my Patrons were about as much protection as I needed, as my magick was not truly strong enough to draw attention from anyone with whom I did not have a strong relationship.

It took me one year and three moves to find my tree-house.  Since moving in, my home has supported me, comforted me and sheltered me.  It has kept me warm and safe.  It provides me with light and beauty and the quiet solitude that I find necessary to do my work.  It nurtures my life, my work, my heart and my soul.  It is the place I sleep, dream, write, make love, share tea with my friends and family and cast magick, worship my Gods, honor my Ancestors and my Allies.  It is the home I return to at the end of every day, and the place where my Pwca lives day in and day out.  It is that place of safety and strength from which I venture forth into this world and into the Otherworlds. 

During the past three years my magick has grow and at one point it became bright enough, strong enough to draw interest from “others”.  Pwca was reacting to the presence of other energy with a great deal of agitation, not a good thing in a familiar who is magickal and wild by nature.  So I decided that we needed to cast new protective spells in order to keep out what was disruptive to us and our peaceful cohabitation.  I included Pwca in the casting because he lives here and he has his own magick.

But something unexpected happened.  The spell was transformed.  It was made into something more elegant, lovelier.  Instead of simply providing protection, the magick lifts glamours and facilitates truth and healing.  This was not even in my thoughts although, my heart would have held these intentions had my mind thought of them.  I believe that it was the Spirit of the tree-house who affected the spells. 

Ysbryd is a Welsh word for spirit.  It is the name I use for the Spirit of my home.  I have been working to strengthen my relationship to Ysbryd.  I have a small altar on a corner of the kitchen counter where I make offerings of thanks and love to Ysbryd.  I greet her and light a small candle.  I burn incense and offer my thanks for all that she does for me and Pwca.  I place a small vase of flowers or a cup of tea and ask for her continued care and magick.  And I sing for her and then listen to hear what she might have to say to me.

I give thanks for Ysbryd and for her influence on my life and for her care of my beautiful home.                                                                                                                                            

Tuesday, December 2, 2014


I have been trying to live up to the expectations of others for most of my life.  I have never really known what those expectations were, I have usually failed to meet them and, I have never stopped trying.  But in trying to understand what others expect from me, and in trying to meet those imagined expectations, I have failed to see what it was that I expected of myself.  I have limited my beliefs of what I am capable of. 

I have failed to see that I can do and be more than what someone else expects.  I have assumed that I am less than, rather than more than, what another wanted me to be, or what I imagined that they wanted me to be.

There is a lovely and delicious freedom in letting go of those expectations and the limits that I have placed upon myself.

My imagination is enjoying the freedom and is discovering possibilities that I have never dreamed of before.

Sunday, November 30, 2014


Scary halloween laboratory Stock Photo - 16606020

We are constantly changing.  When we are involved a process of spiritual evolution, our abilities and the ways in which we function, are constantly growing and shifting. 

In order to learn how to live with these new perimeters, we need to experiment.

We need to try new ways of doing things.  We need to test different ways of magick, of loving, of living, of being.  

Some of our experiments will teach us about what no longer works, some will teach us what might work and we may need to adjust our course along the way.  Partial successes, failures, false starts, miss-steps, course-corrections are part of the process.  Perfection is not a realistic goal.  We learn by trying and every time we attempt something new, or in a new way, we gain understanding through the experience. 

I am a fan of the scientific method.  I enjoy the experiments and the exploration.  I enjoy the creative effort of figuring out what works,  how I work.

The journey itself is the point.  The journey IS the magick.  

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Words and Whispers

Words have power.  Spoken aloud, they carry our power and focus it with our intent and release it into the world.  Spell-craft is often accomplished with words directing the energies that have been gathered from physical sources, from spirits who have been invoked with language.  Spoken words help us to refine and express our intent, and to keep our selves focused upon that intent. 

I believe in speaking aloud.  I believe in invoking my Gods, Ancestors and Spirits with song, and expressing my devotion with my voice.  I believe that words spoken in sacred space act upon us until the stated intent has come to pass. 

But I also believe in the power of whispers.  Words spoken aloud have power and whispers have power.  Whispering to the herbs we use in spell-craft, to stones, to magickal objects, to tools, enchants them with our personal magick.  Whispering is an intimate form of expression.  It is like telling a close and trusted friend our deepest secrets and asking them to keep those secrets and to help us to accomplish our desires.

Whispering our spells in the moments of our daily life can be a powerful way of keeping the magick in our consciousness, of keeping our intent in focus, and of helping us to act in accord.

Whispering is magick.

Thursday, November 6, 2014


Water is the element most essential to Life. 

Without Water the Earth itself would be unable to support life.  In fact the Earth is covered in the element, and our bodies are more water than any other thing. 

Water is the Ocean and the Tides and the Moon that moves them.

It is the waves and the currents and the depths where life continues unobserved.

It is the lake and the mist rising from the surface and the fog that clings to the open places between the woodlands and to the road we walk in the evening’s twilight.

It is the stream in the woods where birds and creatures gather to drink of its life-giving. And the rain that falls upon the fields.

It is the river always flowing to the sea, carving the earth and moving everything that stands before it.

It is the fluid in which all life gestates and which flows when each life begins, whether from womb or egg or chrysalis.

It is that which we use to wash our bodies and the dishes and the laundry and the floors and the windows.

It is the silver chalice upon the western altar and the Cauldron at the center of the Wheel and the blessed water used to purify, and the wine that we share in the name of the Goddess, and the Holy Well that heals us.

Water is the semen that carries the seed and that which flows to welcome it.

It is the sweat on our skin and the tears of our heart and the dreams in our sleep.

It is the grief and desire and joy that fill our lives and the love that powers our greatest magick.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014


I have been "head-blind" most of my life.  I was not always so, but I made the visions go away when I was a small child.  And I do not mean visual messages only.  My most effective talent is auditory, in the form of language.  I have never really been able to silence "the voices"  completely.   But my strongest talent is neither of these, nor is it the tactile or kinesthetic sense of knowing that I sometimes feel.  

I have recently unlocked one of the boxes in my heart that was covered in cobwebs and dust.  It had been locked up tight for so long that I had indeed almost forgotten that it ever existed.  This is the task that my Patrons have been pushing me so hard  to accomplish.  I opened the box and discovered...empathy.

I have been working to unlock the boxes for months now and, as each one has been opened, more and more of my senses have returned to me.  I am becoming less and less head-blind with each box.  I have visions, I remember dreams, I can identify and engage with the various voices that I have heard my entire life.  I am more aware of the "feelings" and the information that they convey,   But most of all, my heart has become open and I can feel.  

It has been awkward and painful.  It has been frightening and has caused me to revisit many old demons and self-destructive behaviors to be sure that they will not serve but, I see again, I remember, I feel.  I am no longer living the half-life of someone blind, deaf, and dumb.  I am no longer one of the living dead.  

May my Gods be pleased with what they have wrought.

Thursday, October 23, 2014


Valour is an old word, and an old idea.  It is the idea of courage in the face of danger.  Of honor in the face of adversity.  But for me it is also about truth in the face of injustice.  It is inspired righteous anger and the will compelled to action.  And the choice to accept the consequences of that action.  

Valour is not courage for the self, but for the defense, protection and freedom of those who are valued above and beyond the self.  Valour is a virtue to which I aspire.  May my Gods, my Ancestors and my Allies grant me the grace to rise to their call to Valour.

Thursday, October 16, 2014


Magick is not an immediate thing.  Sometimes it works in ways that are completely sideways from what you expected.  Your intention may be clear, and it does work if you are not muddled in your intention but, it seldom actually happens the way you think it will.

And sometimes, especially when the magick involves changing the way you exist, the way you function, your internal structures, and the way your magick works, it can take a long time and it can be unsettling, ungraceful, and even painful.  But that does not mean that the magick is not working. 

I have been feeling un-reconciled.  The magick feels un-resolved.  That is because it is.  It is working itself out and that takes time.  It is difficult to be patient.  It is uncomfortable to be changing.  But the journey is where we learn the lessons.  The path is not the destination but, rather the experience  we gain along the way.

Transformation, evolution, is a flowing river, always moving and shifting and becoming.  Always un-reconciled.  I am learning to sit and walk and work and love and live in the current.  Blessed be.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Unlocking the boxes...

For the past six months or so one of my specific and stated intentions has been to unlock the boxes within myself, to discover what lies within them, and to master whatever I might find there. 

The boxes and my intention to unlock them are not constantly in my waking consciousness.  Sometimes I forget for moments or days at a time, I become distracted by daily life, by the normal everyday of living.  And then something draws my attention back to the boxes and I am reminded that even when I am not paying attention, even when I am not actively pursuing this intent, words said in sacred space have power and the magick is continuing.

My Patron has been insistent that this is necessary if I am to take on the responsibility of completing my third degree initiation.  That it is required in order to find and use my power.  That it is non-negotiable if I am to truly know myself. I am not arguing this point but, it has been difficult and painful. 

I have been on a journey of self-discovery regarding my own identity, specifically my sexual identity.  This has resulted in many of the boxes being unlocked and the shamanic healing that I sought has also had a similar effect. The result has been particularly extreme in this past week.

I have been dreaming and remembering and it has robbed me of sleep and of peace in my waking life.  The lack of sleep and the images and emotions in my dreams have robbed me of my ability to shut down my emotions and of my shields against feeling too much.  I have even resorted to old behaviors out of desperation in an attempt to escape the return of feelings and thoughts that I have not had in decades.

Old ways of thinking have reared their heads.  The argument that it would be safer not to love, that it would be easier to remain strong and cold and hard, that allowing my heart to feel again is a mistake.  There is a very strong urging to walk away from anyone who threatens to touch me, to make me feel.  That trusting anyone who could abandon me, or take something from me, is a foolish risk not to be considered.  The desire to hurt those I do love in order to drive them away from me is incredibly intense as well.

My heart feels like it has been frozen and the thaw and return of feeling are as painful as frostbitten limbs being flushed with blood again.  It has also been violent in its awakening.  And the fact that others have witnessed my convulsions has been humiliating. 

The pain in my heart remains and I do not know for certain that it will ever really go away now.  Perhaps this is what it feels like to be alive.  I do not really know but, I will not abandon my intent.  I will do whatever is necessary to live, and to love, and to feel.  I will not turn back, no matter what may come.  So Mote It Be.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Hephzibah House Remembered...

I unlocked the dusty cobweb covered box and opened it wide, and found…empathy.

I also found memories of a place that I visited once about twenty-seven years ago.  The visual and olfactory memory of a place where girls, who have committed no crime other than to be born into families where their spirits are abhorred, are held in captivity and no one has yet been able to free them.  My heart becomes filled with rage when I think of them.  I have remembered them off and on over the past years.  But, as is often the case when our life is not directly impacted, I put it aside because, after all, it is not mine.  But if it is not mine then, Whose is it?  Are they not my daughters, sisters, granddaughters?  Do they not belong to the God and the Goddess simply because they exist? 

They belong to me because, I remember them. 

It matters not that they and their families live within a culture of fear.  They are not lost.  They are not forgotten.  I call upon Kali to see them, to hear the unvoiced cries they dare not make  even within their own minds, hearts and souls. I call upon every Goddess and God with whom I have relationship. I call upon every daughter and son of the Goddess and the God.

My patroness Arianrhod is a Goddess of Sovereignty and she has given me a fire in my heart to act against this prison, in whatever way I can, to bring freedom to these, her daughters.  I will work every day until Hephzibah House is no more. 

“Do not turn away. Do not turn your hearts to stone.  Swing wide the doors of the prison-house and let in the bright light of day.  Let the truth be spoken aloud so that it cannot be ignored, let their pain be felt so that it cannot be forgotten, let not the children be kept unseen.  Do not let them remain invisible.  Shed tears for them, weep openly.  Do not let their spirits be murdered in silence.  Tear down the walls and break their chains.  Do not rest until this house and its jailers have been razed to the ground and turned to dust and ash.”

If you find within your heart a desire to work to free these girls, light a candle to whichever Goddess or God that you worship, and make prayers for the freedom of these children.  Leave a comment below if you wish.  Blessed be.

To the Survivors of Hephzibah House, may you find healing with your God or mine, may your stories be heard, may your efforts be victorious, may your lives be blessed, and may your spirits find joy and know their true worth.  Your strength and your courage inspire me.  Blessed be.

Truth against the World

“Truth against the World” is an old Welsh proverb. When I read it for the first time, it jumped off the page and into my mind and began yelling, and it has been yelling at me ever since…

Its meaning to me is clear;

Truth, even if the whole world despises you for it. 

Truth, above all. 

Truth, no matter the consequences. 

Truth, no matter how painful. 

Truth, no matter how ugly.

Truth, no matter how uncomfortable.

Truth, no matter how frightening.

“the Truth will make you free.” 

“to thine own self be True.”

Truth is the greatest calling I can imagine.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Twrch Trwyth

My family totem is the Wild Boar.  I know what you are thinking, “Who would want a Boar as a totem animal?”  Not me, at least not at first.  In fact, it took me a long time to understand the great honor it is to have that creature as the Spirit of my bloodline.

In Welsh mythology the Boar is the gift of the Gods to humans.  It represents the Warrior Spirit.  In all of the stories, the fiercest animal of all is Twrch Trwyth, the Wild Boar.

It is not a predatory creature, but it is fierce and unyielding.  It is dangerous and wild, strong and unstoppable.  It is noble and brave. 

The Boar is not a creature that can be used other than as food.  The only way a Wild Boar serves mankind is through its death, to feed the tribe.  Hunting the Wild Boar can be fatal if the hunter is not also smart, skilled, careful, and lucky.  Many strong, brave men have died early deaths in the attempt to bring down the great creature.

The Boar is close to the Earth and has sharp tusks and cloven hooves.  It forages for food and is not easily domesticated.  If a domesticated sow is bred in captivity with a domesticated boar and then escapes captivity, the piglets she births will be wild, even in their physical appearance. 

I would have wished for a Wolf, or a Stag, or a Horse, or some other “Great Creature” as the Totem Spirit of my family but, I have come to understand and embrace the great and noble Spirit that is Twrch Trwyth.  His image is the tattoo I wear to honor my first degree initiation.  I wear a bronze amulet with his image to honor my clan.  He reminds me that I too am a warrior, brave and strong and noble, fierce and unyielding and unstoppable.

Hail Twrch Trwyth!  Hail the Wild Boar!

Thursday, September 18, 2014


Secrets are powerful things.  Some are wonderful, like the ones we shared with our closest and dearest friends or our siblings in childhood.  Or the ones we share with lovers, about our hopes and our dreams. Some are filled with magick we share with the Spirits and the Gods.

But the ones we do not share with anyone, those are the most powerful secrets of all.  Those are the secrets that can empower our greatest magick, or destroy us.

If we can find the keys and the courage to see them, to know them, they can teach us to know who we are and how to live all that we are.  They can help us to find our power and to learn to use that power. 

The ones we refuse to see, the ones we hide from, will keep us imprisoned in tombs that we will never escape.  They will keep us from the life we are here to live.  They will keep us invisible until we eventually fade away, leaving no trace that we were ever even here.  They will destroy our ability to live, to love or to create any magick at all. 

That idea is terrifying.  The only thing more frightening is the idea of actually acknowledging those secrets.  The things we don’t ever talk about.  The voices in our head that we have heard all our lives, and the words that they scream in the long dark night.  The images that we see in our mind’s eye that we want so desperately to forget.  The memories of things we have done and the things we have wished for with all of our being.  The desires of our inner selves that we could never dare to live.  The things that we are absolutely sure if anyone knew, they would forsake us forever.

But no matter what the shadows tell us, those secrets are ours and if we can reclaim them, they will not destroy us.  If we can brave our deepest fears and embrace our secrets, they can unlock our power to live our lives with magick we have never imagined, and to be happy beyond our deepest hopes. 

Find the Secrets you keep, and listen to the whispers of your soul.  Live.

Friday, September 12, 2014


This summer has been an amazing season of growth, self-exploration, and self-discovery.  I have been learning a great deal about who I am and how to be All of who I am.  My forty-ninth birthday is just around the corner, my work on my third degree has moved from the first steps to the beginning of the path, and I have begun to See how my visions of my future might come to pass. 

But I have also had to look at the past, in this life and in others.  And I have come to see that I am a Survivor.  I am proud of that.  Survivor does not mean victim, it does not mean wounded, it does not mean damaged.  Survivor means Strong, it means ALIVE, it means Unconquerable and Unbreakable.

In this lifetime I have Survived;

Clinical depression,

Suicidal obsession and attempts,

Compulsive self-medication,

Self-destructive patterns of high-risk behavior,

Sexual assault,

My own Rage,

Compliance with the decisions of others,

The loss of my children,

Two years under the power of an extreme, militant, fundamentalist, baptist preacher and his followers.

Years of silencing my own self and hiding from my own power,

And the voices in my head that are, and that are not, my own.

I am ALIVE, I am Happy, and I am finally beginning to live my life the way I was meant to all of these years.  I have Survived because I am Stronger than any of those things. 

My Gods, my Ancestors, my Allies, and my Community have all had a hand in helping me to learn to live but, I am the one who Survived to learn. 

I share these things with you because, if you are reading this, you might be living in shadow, you might be looking for the candles. You might have experienced depression or assault; you might feel that you are weak, or damaged.  You might believe that dying is your only option to end the pain, or the fear, or the despair.  You might even think that you deserve nothing good, and that you are destined to be alone and in pain for the rest of your life. 

But I would point out that, you have Survived.  If you are reading this, you are Alive.  You are a Survivor!  You are Strong and Unconquerable, and Unbreakable. YOU are the Beauty to be found in the Darkness!  Nothing is stronger than that!

Monday, September 8, 2014

An open letter to my Tradition

To the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel...

When I first found you, you inspired me
to overcome my fear of…


I look back now on the person I was…
on the life I had then…
and it feels like someone else’s life,
another person’s memory.

You inspired me to See...

magick in our world,
magick on our land
magick in each one of you

and to risk believing
that there was magick in me…

I sat in dark corners and listened and watched
silent and still and small
but I Saw

I saw people who had magick

people with honor
people who loved and lived with integrity
people who served our Earth
and the Gods
and our world
and one another

And I learned to trust
first you and then myself

Your love has taught me
how to trust
how to serve
how to heal
how to love
how to live my life out loud
without fear or shame or the need to pretend
that I am anything other than ALL that I am

And when I finally tested that
when I risked everything
and jumped off the cliff
I discovered that you had taught me to fly
and I found you were smiling
and laughing and dancing and flying
right there beside me

We looked into the future together
with joy
and magick
and love.
and what I saw has filled me with purpose and hope.
I will spend the rest of my life
Teaching you to see
your beauty, and strength, and magick
the way you have taught me
to see my own,

And Re-Enchanting our World…


Friday, September 5, 2014

on Releasing Power

Magick requires that all of our parts agree with our intent to use power.  But it also requires that our will is fully engaged.  The will to build power, the will to hold power and ultimately the will to release power, focused and with force towards our intent.

My mind might agree that a certain change is desirable.  My body might be able to participate in the magick and even to do the physical work that is necessary to accomplish that change.  My soul may agree that the change I seek is within its sense of purpose and integrity.  My spirit may see the benefit to my evolution and to the world.

But without my heart being moved beyond simple desire, to feel that it MUST be, the power will never be released with enough focus and intent to accomplish what I hope.

I have finally discovered what engages my will.  And this is the discovery that I have made, that my will is engaged by my Warrior’s Heart and that Heart is the Heart of the Mother. 

I believe that all of the worlds and every species (Human and Fae and all of the others) must be whole and well in order for the Universe to thrive, but species are made up of individuals.  The continued existence of individuals is essential to the evolution of each species. I have an uncompromising commitment to the sovereignty of the individual’s will as well as personal freedom, integrity and honor.  

Most of my work has been finding balance between light and darkness, between order and chaos, because both honor and freedom are required for integrity.

I have a strong need for autonomy, independence as well as for nurturing and caring for others.  I have compassion.  I value relationships. I value Life.  I value freedom. I value chaos.  I value TRUTH above all else.

The things that I hold sacred, that I value most, those are the things that engage my will.  Those situations that harm my loved ones, that raise my anger, that raise my fire, that move me, those are the keys to my power.  My greatest power is engaged by my greatest anger.

That is not to say that I must protect my loved ones from all of the pain life might bring to them.  To be honest, I do not believe that to be an ethical action.  I believe that the pain we experience teaches us and helps us to grow and evolve; and to keep our loved ones safe from that is to cheat them of life itself.

But to see my beloveds HARMED…that is another matter.  To see injustice done, enrages my Mother’s Heart and invokes the Warrior within me.  That is when Power will be released.

That is when I am at my most powerful.  When my Heart is filled to bursting.  

Monday, September 1, 2014

Invocation to The Dark Father

Recently my Patron had given me a vision of magick that he wished for me to cast.  I could not cast this spell indoors, it had to be done naked, in a wild place, under a sky filled with stars and a bright moon.  I could not cast it on my knees, or in supplication in any way.  He insisted that I stand and demand the magick.  I believe this was a lesson from Him, meant to teach me about my power and my strength.  Tomorrow is the second anniversary of this blog, I thought I would share this with you.  Thank you for walking with me on my journey.  
 Dark Father, My God of Long Night, Hear me!
 King of the Otherworld, My Lord of Storms, Hear me!
Wild Leader of the Hunt, God of the Whirlwind Hear me!
Heed my Call and Hear my Voice!

Arise my Glorious God and Harken to your Creature!
My Strong Father, My Lord of Raging Storms!  
Hear me now!
I am Your Daughter, Your Priestess, Your Witch!
Arise from your Throne in Annwfn!  
Heed the Call of Your Own!

My Wrath rises up within me!
My Anger burns and fills me with Flame,
With Heat that pours from my body 
in waves of Bright Power,
With Flames that Destroy all but my Will,
With Fire that Consumes and never wanes!

It Rises up within me until I am Fire Itself,
until I am Thy Burning Blade,
and naught can stand against Your Dragon Sword!
Arise my Dark Father and Heed Thy Warrior’s Will!

Under a Sacrifice Moon You Granted me Vision,
In the heat of the flames, You Gifted me Truth,
My Sacrifices have bought my Strength and Freedom,
Your Gifts have Sparked my Power, as You Desired,
I am Your Burning Flame!  I am Your Creature,
Hear my Call and Heed my Voice!

I am Your Creature, Your Daughter, Your Own! 
With Your Gifts and Your Visions in my Sight,
With Your Wild Spirit in my Soul,
With Your Burning Blade in my Heart,
And with all the Power and Strength 
that You demanded I find,
I claim the Desire You have placed within my Heart!

I am Your Creature, Your Daughter, Your Own!
Heed my Call and Hear my Words!
For they come from Your Own Heart!
By Moon and Stars and Fire and Night 
and Wild Magick!  So Mote It Be!

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Retrieving pieces of the Soul

Playing with the North Wind by Susan Sedon Boulet

Yesterday I drove to Maryland to see a beautiful young woman who works as a Shaman.  She is also a trained psychologist but, it is her relationships with the Spirits and her skills as a healer that were the impetus for my making the two and a half hour drive after working for five hours at the end of a long week.  The resulting ritual was well worth the drive and more.

We had discussed my reasons for seeing her when we made the appointment, but when I arrived we talked about the things that I have done and learned since our last conversation.  When we went to her ritual room, I was immediately comfortable.  She explained her process and invited me to lie on the floor on a deer skin she had laid out for that purpose (deer are facilitators of transformation and it is an old practice).

 Then she began to call the Quarters and the Elements and the Earth Mother and the Ancestors and the Fae and the Spirits of place, and the Deities with whom she works.  Her voice singing clear and bright, they answered and came to the place to assist her in my healing.

She merged with Bear and began working at the place of my ancestors.  Her rattle moving in a rhythm that spoke to me on a level that I have rarely attained in the company of another person.  She asked me about the Large Black Cat at my feet and I told her that Pwca has been known to travel to me when there is something he wishes to participate in.

She described a Grandfather whom I have not met but, who was familiar and comfortable to me.  She used her drum to follow him deeper into Annwfn and He led her through tunnels (my ancestors were coal-miners) to find a piece of me that had been separated (compassion) and she returned it to me by blowing it into my heart and my head.  She then placed a large piece of black tourmaline at my feet. I find it interesting that the grief I feel over the loss of my children during their childhood is shared with my ancestors.

She then began to work on my root charkha discovering and removing the barbed wire that was wrapped around it and placing two pieces of red jasper on either side of my hips. 

She re-connected the three separate lights that are my sacral charkha and placed a large piece of polished carnelian over my womb. 

The message I received from her after working on my solar plexus is that it is strong when used to support me or to push me forward to do my work but, that I have kept it trapped rather than expressing it into the world.  There she placed a piece of bright yellow, sparkling sulfur.

When she began to work on my heart, my Patron came to sit beside me facing her with my heart between them.  She carefully examined the boxes she found there.  Some so old and untouched that they are locked and dusty and covered in spiders webs.  Gwynn would have had her break into each one (He can be a bit demanding at times) but, she knew that it needs to be done gently and not all at once.  This is work I need to do.  So she placed a smooth, oval, red and green stone over it after letting in as much sunlight as she could.

After the work on my heart I began to feel cold and my body began to convulse occasionally.  She made no comment to indicate that was concerning to her and so I did not feel a need to close down.  I wept occasionally as we discussed the damage and the work I need to do, and again, she seemed unconcerned and so I allowed it to happen as it would.  My ears began to hear a rushing sound and my body felt buzzing and I felt dizzy.  All of these are signs to me that energy is moving and healing is occurring in a profound way.

When she worked on my throat, she found “bobby-pins” at the back of my neck.  She thought she had used the wrong word but, I know she did not as those are things I associate with my mother and her desire that I be a “good girl” never “TOO LOUD or TOO BIG”.  She removed them and placed a piece of celestite beside my throat. 

After she worked on my third eye, we discussed some ways I might find useful in opening it when it is being stubborn, then she brushed me with her owl’s wing and removed the energy binding my entire spine. 

When we began to work on my crown she called to her Deities, some of whom I work with as well and invited me to use all of my names and call to my Gods and Allies.

Athena came to her and offered Her approval and Her assistance in finding wisdom when I am angry, to know how to use it and how not to misuse it, as that was one of the reasons I sought this healing.  She blew into my heart and my head again and filled me with “millions of golden skeleton keys”.  

One of the final lessons from this work is my need to establish strong boundaries and a stronger sense of self so that, when I shape-shift to meet the needs of those I serve, or to "get the work done" I can remember to return to who I am and not lose that to "what I can do, or what I can be".  I need not lose myself to my own talents.  

When the ritual was done, she offered her thanks and closed the gates that she had opened.

We visited for a while as I ate a little and drank before making the drive home.  It was a quiet and easy drive in the dark and when I arrived home Pwca cuddled beside me and I slept better than I have in months.

I give thanks for Pwca, for Gwynn ap Nudd, for Athena, for Bear and most especially for Monika Lonely Coyote.