Friday, September 26, 2014

Twrch Trwyth

My family totem is the Wild Boar.  I know what you are thinking, “Who would want a Boar as a totem animal?”  Not me, at least not at first.  In fact, it took me a long time to understand the great honor it is to have that creature as the Spirit of my bloodline.

In Welsh mythology the Boar is the gift of the Gods to humans.  It represents the Warrior Spirit.  In all of the stories, the fiercest animal of all is Twrch Trwyth, the Wild Boar.

It is not a predatory creature, but it is fierce and unyielding.  It is dangerous and wild, strong and unstoppable.  It is noble and brave. 

The Boar is not a creature that can be used other than as food.  The only way a Wild Boar serves mankind is through its death, to feed the tribe.  Hunting the Wild Boar can be fatal if the hunter is not also smart, skilled, careful, and lucky.  Many strong, brave men have died early deaths in the attempt to bring down the great creature.

The Boar is close to the Earth and has sharp tusks and cloven hooves.  It forages for food and is not easily domesticated.  If a domesticated sow is bred in captivity with a domesticated boar and then escapes captivity, the piglets she births will be wild, even in their physical appearance. 

I would have wished for a Wolf, or a Stag, or a Horse, or some other “Great Creature” as the Totem Spirit of my family but, I have come to understand and embrace the great and noble Spirit that is Twrch Trwyth.  His image is the tattoo I wear to honor my first degree initiation.  I wear a bronze amulet with his image to honor my clan.  He reminds me that I too am a warrior, brave and strong and noble, fierce and unyielding and unstoppable.

Hail Twrch Trwyth!  Hail the Wild Boar!

Thursday, September 18, 2014


Secrets are powerful things.  Some are wonderful, like the ones we shared with our closest and dearest friends or our siblings in childhood.  Or the ones we share with lovers, about our hopes and our dreams. Some are filled with magick we share with the Spirits and the Gods.

But the ones we do not share with anyone, those are the most powerful secrets of all.  Those are the secrets that can empower our greatest magick, or destroy us.

If we can find the keys and the courage to see them, to know them, they can teach us to know who we are and how to live all that we are.  They can help us to find our power and to learn to use that power. 

The ones we refuse to see, the ones we hide from, will keep us imprisoned in tombs that we will never escape.  They will keep us from the life we are here to live.  They will keep us invisible until we eventually fade away, leaving no trace that we were ever even here.  They will destroy our ability to live, to love or to create any magick at all. 

That idea is terrifying.  The only thing more frightening is the idea of actually acknowledging those secrets.  The things we don’t ever talk about.  The voices in our head that we have heard all our lives, and the words that they scream in the long dark night.  The images that we see in our mind’s eye that we want so desperately to forget.  The memories of things we have done and the things we have wished for with all of our being.  The desires of our inner selves that we could never dare to live.  The things that we are absolutely sure if anyone knew, they would forsake us forever.

But no matter what the shadows tell us, those secrets are ours and if we can reclaim them, they will not destroy us.  If we can brave our deepest fears and embrace our secrets, they can unlock our power to live our lives with magick we have never imagined, and to be happy beyond our deepest hopes. 

Find the Secrets you keep, and listen to the whispers of your soul.  Live.

Friday, September 12, 2014


This summer has been an amazing season of growth, self-exploration, and self-discovery.  I have been learning a great deal about who I am and how to be All of who I am.  My forty-ninth birthday is just around the corner, my work on my third degree has moved from the first steps to the beginning of the path, and I have begun to See how my visions of my future might come to pass. 

But I have also had to look at the past, in this life and in others.  And I have come to see that I am a Survivor.  I am proud of that.  Survivor does not mean victim, it does not mean wounded, it does not mean damaged.  Survivor means Strong, it means ALIVE, it means Unconquerable and Unbreakable.

In this lifetime I have Survived;

Clinical depression,

Suicidal obsession and attempts,

Compulsive self-medication,

Self-destructive patterns of high-risk behavior,

Sexual assault,

My own Rage,

Compliance with the decisions of others,

The loss of my children,

Two years under the power of an extreme, militant, fundamentalist, baptist preacher and his followers.

Years of silencing my own self and hiding from my own power,

And the voices in my head that are, and that are not, my own.

I am ALIVE, I am Happy, and I am finally beginning to live my life the way I was meant to all of these years.  I have Survived because I am Stronger than any of those things. 

My Gods, my Ancestors, my Allies, and my Community have all had a hand in helping me to learn to live but, I am the one who Survived to learn. 

I share these things with you because, if you are reading this, you might be living in shadow, you might be looking for the candles. You might have experienced depression or assault; you might feel that you are weak, or damaged.  You might believe that dying is your only option to end the pain, or the fear, or the despair.  You might even think that you deserve nothing good, and that you are destined to be alone and in pain for the rest of your life. 

But I would point out that, you have Survived.  If you are reading this, you are Alive.  You are a Survivor!  You are Strong and Unconquerable, and Unbreakable. YOU are the Beauty to be found in the Darkness!  Nothing is stronger than that!

Monday, September 8, 2014

An open letter to my Tradition

To the Assembly of the Sacred Wheel...

When I first found you, you inspired me
to overcome my fear of…


I look back now on the person I was…
on the life I had then…
and it feels like someone else’s life,
another person’s memory.

You inspired me to See...

magick in our world,
magick on our land
magick in each one of you

and to risk believing
that there was magick in me…

I sat in dark corners and listened and watched
silent and still and small
but I Saw

I saw people who had magick

people with honor
people who loved and lived with integrity
people who served our Earth
and the Gods
and our world
and one another

And I learned to trust
first you and then myself

Your love has taught me
how to trust
how to serve
how to heal
how to love
how to live my life out loud
without fear or shame or the need to pretend
that I am anything other than ALL that I am

And when I finally tested that
when I risked everything
and jumped off the cliff
I discovered that you had taught me to fly
and I found you were smiling
and laughing and dancing and flying
right there beside me

We looked into the future together
with joy
and magick
and love.
and what I saw has filled me with purpose and hope.
I will spend the rest of my life
Teaching you to see
your beauty, and strength, and magick
the way you have taught me
to see my own,

And Re-Enchanting our World…


Friday, September 5, 2014

on Releasing Power

Magick requires that all of our parts agree with our intent to use power.  But it also requires that our will is fully engaged.  The will to build power, the will to hold power and ultimately the will to release power, focused and with force towards our intent.

My mind might agree that a certain change is desirable.  My body might be able to participate in the magick and even to do the physical work that is necessary to accomplish that change.  My soul may agree that the change I seek is within its sense of purpose and integrity.  My spirit may see the benefit to my evolution and to the world.

But without my heart being moved beyond simple desire, to feel that it MUST be, the power will never be released with enough focus and intent to accomplish what I hope.

I have finally discovered what engages my will.  And this is the discovery that I have made, that my will is engaged by my Warrior’s Heart and that Heart is the Heart of the Mother. 

I believe that all of the worlds and every species (Human and Fae and all of the others) must be whole and well in order for the Universe to thrive, but species are made up of individuals.  The continued existence of individuals is essential to the evolution of each species. I have an uncompromising commitment to the sovereignty of the individual’s will as well as personal freedom, integrity and honor.  

Most of my work has been finding balance between light and darkness, between order and chaos, because both honor and freedom are required for integrity.

I have a strong need for autonomy, independence as well as for nurturing and caring for others.  I have compassion.  I value relationships. I value Life.  I value freedom. I value chaos.  I value TRUTH above all else.

The things that I hold sacred, that I value most, those are the things that engage my will.  Those situations that harm my loved ones, that raise my anger, that raise my fire, that move me, those are the keys to my power.  My greatest power is engaged by my greatest anger.

That is not to say that I must protect my loved ones from all of the pain life might bring to them.  To be honest, I do not believe that to be an ethical action.  I believe that the pain we experience teaches us and helps us to grow and evolve; and to keep our loved ones safe from that is to cheat them of life itself.

But to see my beloveds HARMED…that is another matter.  To see injustice done, enrages my Mother’s Heart and invokes the Warrior within me.  That is when Power will be released.

That is when I am at my most powerful.  When my Heart is filled to bursting.  

Monday, September 1, 2014

Invocation to The Dark Father

Recently my Patron had given me a vision of magick that he wished for me to cast.  I could not cast this spell indoors, it had to be done naked, in a wild place, under a sky filled with stars and a bright moon.  I could not cast it on my knees, or in supplication in any way.  He insisted that I stand and demand the magick.  I believe this was a lesson from Him, meant to teach me about my power and my strength.  Tomorrow is the second anniversary of this blog, I thought I would share this with you.  Thank you for walking with me on my journey.  
 Dark Father, My God of Long Night, Hear me!
 King of the Otherworld, My Lord of Storms, Hear me!
Wild Leader of the Hunt, God of the Whirlwind Hear me!
Heed my Call and Hear my Voice!

Arise my Glorious God and Harken to your Creature!
My Strong Father, My Lord of Raging Storms!  
Hear me now!
I am Your Daughter, Your Priestess, Your Witch!
Arise from your Throne in Annwfn!  
Heed the Call of Your Own!

My Wrath rises up within me!
My Anger burns and fills me with Flame,
With Heat that pours from my body 
in waves of Bright Power,
With Flames that Destroy all but my Will,
With Fire that Consumes and never wanes!

It Rises up within me until I am Fire Itself,
until I am Thy Burning Blade,
and naught can stand against Your Dragon Sword!
Arise my Dark Father and Heed Thy Warrior’s Will!

Under a Sacrifice Moon You Granted me Vision,
In the heat of the flames, You Gifted me Truth,
My Sacrifices have bought my Strength and Freedom,
Your Gifts have Sparked my Power, as You Desired,
I am Your Burning Flame!  I am Your Creature,
Hear my Call and Heed my Voice!

I am Your Creature, Your Daughter, Your Own! 
With Your Gifts and Your Visions in my Sight,
With Your Wild Spirit in my Soul,
With Your Burning Blade in my Heart,
And with all the Power and Strength 
that You demanded I find,
I claim the Desire You have placed within my Heart!

I am Your Creature, Your Daughter, Your Own!
Heed my Call and Hear my Words!
For they come from Your Own Heart!
By Moon and Stars and Fire and Night 
and Wild Magick!  So Mote It Be!