Saturday, June 28, 2014

No Holding Back

This past Midsummer, my coven held the kind of ritual that makes magick that follows you home.  We were challenged to declare our beauty and our successes, our flaws and what we have left undone, and what we will do to continue that work.  We also challenged one another because; sometimes we see each other more clearly than we see ourselves. 

One of the wisest women I have ever met is an initiate of my coven and one of my greatest teachers.  Her challenge to me was “no holding back”.  That is indeed one of the principles that I have been striving to live by, not always successfully.  Lifelong habits are difficult to break.  It takes practice and diligence.

This past autumn I had the opportunity to fall in love, and indeed I did fall in love, with someone that I have loved and respected and trusted for quite some time.  This man is beautiful and brilliant and strong and compassionate and there is no reason in the universe that I should not have fallen in love with him, in fact it was quite inevitable I think.

Yet, instead of telling him, or showing him, instead of going to him and loving him the way my heart desired to, uncensored, without reservation, I held back.  I did not hold back out of fear, but gave myself rational and logical “reasons” and they matter not even a little bit because, I let the opportunity to love him go unrealized. 

What “reason” could possibly justify squandering the chance to show someone how you love them?  Even, or especially, if it was only a brief moment in time, would not every second that you could share with them be a priceless treasure not to be wasted?  Every moment we live is a chance to embrace our soul’s true calling.  What higher calling can there be, but to love others the way our hearts would dictate?

I let that chance pass by, I held back.  I cannot change that, life does not work that way.  But I will not continue to hold back.  Not my love, nor my magick, not my words, nor my power, not my desires, nor my purpose.  Not with my family, not with my friends, not with my beloveds nor with my community, nor with anyone else with whom I might fall in love.

I will live my life, no holding back, so mote it be.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

magick on myself...overcoming social anxiety

In the past few weeks I have had opportunities to engage with people that I had not previously met.  One was social and another was professional. 

I am an extremely introverted person.  While many people would consider opportunities like these to be exciting and something to seek out and to look forward to with anticipation, I typically feel quite the opposite.  I will generally avoid these types of situations if I can, and I feel a great deal of anxiety about them if I cannot.

To be honest, I feel at least some level of anxiety about even being with people that I know and love and enjoy, be they family, friends or community.  I find that being with others requires a good deal of energy from me and often I simply do not have enough energy stores to engage in the way that I would choose to, to be warm and friendly and authentic all at the same time. 

It isn’t that I do not like people; I do, very much in fact but, engaging in the way I would like to isn’t necessarily easy.  Most of the time I prefer to share in community and family through observation rather than interaction.  

But, if I am to fulfill my purpose, I cannot simply observe the world, or my community, or my family.  For example, my granddaughter will never remember me if I never engage with her, if I only ever watch her.  No matter how much joy I gain from doing so, I can experience more joy by engaging with her actively.

I cannot make an impact on others unless I engage with them.  I cannot always remain safely at home and communicate through the written word alone.  Nor do I desire to.  I want to engage with others, I want to love my family and my friends, and I want to serve my Gods and my community, I want to re-enchant my world. 

My purpose is to leave the world changed by my having lived this life, to communicate who I am and where I have been and how I have traveled while I walked this path.  I cannot accomplish this in solitude or isolation.  I do not wish to. Truth be told, I do not learn as much or grow as much as I do with the catalyst of interaction with others and I cannot serve anyone if I am not willing to engage with them. 

On a practical level, I need to work to support myself and that means having a job out there in the world.  In fact, seeking a job that better supports my life and my true work, my magick, was the reason for one of the opportunities I mentioned at the beginning of this post.

I am pleased to say that I successfully navigated both of the opportunities in question.  I had a second interview which went equally well and I am hopeful of receiving an offer soon.  As for the social, I was warm and charming and engaged and I learned a good deal.  I may even attend again soon. 

As witches, we often use magick to assist us in our everyday lives.  Occasionally I will cast spells of operative magick but, rarely have I cast a spell upon myself and I have never before used my magick in the way that I did in these recent situations.  

I enchanted my jewelry for protection and clarity of hearing, and I energized my solar plexus, my voice, and my third eye, to project warmth and strength, to communicate clearly and authentically and, to perceive others as they truly are. 

I also invoked the protection and power of my Beloved Patron.  The magick was successful in accomplishing what I had intended but, it did more than that.  It taught me about my self, and who I am in the light. 

I gained greater perspective on just who I am in my power and in my strength.

Friday, June 20, 2014


The Sun in strength shines warm and bright,  

The Earth in green bursts full with life;

The veil now thins, the night descends,

The faeries dance in starlight bands;

and now begins the growth of night.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Lunae Memoriae

Moon by Helen Jarvis Reynolds

My Lady sails through silver sky,
Her pale skin, a shade of light,
She glows in brilliant radiance, my lover faire.

With gentle grace she wanders through the night,
Her gossamer gown flows ‘round about her feet,
Her footsteps leaving stardust in her path.

She sings with laughter, starlight song,
Her voice, a gentle shining mist,
Whispering the mystery.

Her soft touch, cool as evening aire,
Her kisses shimmer on my skin,
Gifts of music, soft and sweet. 

Dancing through eternity,
My lover faire,
My Lady of sweet memory.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Looking in the mirror

One of the tasks that have been put to me this month is, to finally turn around and look into the mirror and SEE who I am.  Not to look at my shadow but, at the entire truth of my Self.   That may sound like a simple thing but, a lifetime of habit can be a difficult thing to overcome.

I am not only my shadow. I have only recently become accustomed to standing in the light. That is not the same as looking at myself in the bright light of day and seeing who I am.  Glamours and veils not only hide who you are from those around you but, from yourself as well.  So the time has come to see myself as I am, without the distractions, without the veils and glamours, without the comfort of shadows.

I am a very strong person.  I am persistent and relentless and patient.  I am the warrior who sits beside the river until the bodies of his enemies float past him.  I am unyielding and adaptable and mutable like the river itself, constantly flowing along the path of least resistance, changing course but never relenting, finding every tiny crack and crevice to flow through, slowly and quietly eroding the earth that contains me but, always flowing to my destiny.

I have power and a need to communicate, a need to make an impact, to leave a mark upon the earth, upon my community, upon my world.  Not the impact of a meteor, not a simple round hole, no matter how big, but a line, curving and wandering, to show where I have been and the path that I have taken so that others may follow it when I am gone and find where it has led me, and continue it beyond the places I have journeyed to.

I have a purpose and the power to accomplish that purpose.  I have a path and a destiny.  I have an enduring strength that will not be controlled or contained. 

“The River she is flowing, flowing and growing, 
the River she is flowing, down to the Sea. 
Mother, carry me, your child I will always be, 
Mother, carry me, down to the Sea.”

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Not All Women

I understand that many women live with pain and fear every day.  I understand and acknowledge their need and their right to share their stories and bring awareness of the inequity of their suffering to our greater society.  I have compassion for them.  But the only statement I am willing to let someone else make about me as a woman, is a statement that applies to all humans, for example, “All humans have the right to live without fear or abuse”.  (I would actually prefer that the statement refer to all persons, human and other, but that is another subject).

Many of the statements made recently about “all women”, do not apply to me.  I do not live in fear " because I am a woman". I have not suffered abuse " because I am a woman".  I am not a victim " because I am a woman".  No man in my life has caused me pain " because I am a woman". 

In fact, I know more than one wonderful man who has suffered pain and abuse and who has lived with more fear than I have ever known (and for the record at least one of them suffered at the hands of a woman).

I am very fortunate and yes, even privileged.  I am grateful for the blessing of a life that holds little to fear and certainly not abuse.  My life is not all ease and leisure but, that has nothing at all to do with my gender.  No one gets to speak for me.  And it makes me angry that anyone would presume to, especially when those statements are untrue.  I do not seek to silence those who need to tell their stories.  I simply ask that they do not presume to tell mine.  

I would suggest that we stop taking sides against each other.  I do not think it serves us as a species to perpetuate the attitudes that divide us, that cause us to see one another as the enemy.  Haven’t we learned yet that hate begets hate?  Regardless of what makes us different, hating those who are different from us, blaming any group of "others" for our own suffering, is a path that leads to horrors that we need not repeat. (Do we really want the KKK or the Nazis to be models for our social discourse?)

I was asked to voice my feelings on this subject by someone who feels he cannot enter the conversation because he is male.  It makes me angry to see another person silenced.  Stories are powerful magick. Keep telling your stories, keep talking to each other, but make room for “Yes, All People”.