Monday, March 25, 2013

The Temple of Light

At the top of the Tower, in the Temple of Light
Surrounded by air filled with color, rose and pale yellow like the sky at dawn in winter snowfall, a million shades of gold and green, then blue and lavender and violet, the indigo and purple of twilight in summer.
Clear sound dancing in ever-expanding spirals around me in all the colors of light.
Flooded with Light so brilliant it touches my retinas through closed lids and the veil tied around them.
He asks me if I know Him, and I do.  He is my sons and my brothers and my childhood friend.  He asks if I remember Wild Abandon, Adventure and Fun, Unbridled Passion and Joy, the Excitement of Places Unexplored.  I do remember Him.
He asks me why I abandoned Him.  My heart breaks.  My fear has caused me to abandon this Beautiful One, this Cherished One.
She tells me to look into the mirror of my mind; She is the one I left behind.  She asks if I am ready to risk all to step into the light, to embrace the child I was and shine like the Sun.
I am; this is why I have climbed this Tower, why I have taken this Journey so far from that place I have lived until now.  I do not want to remain unseen anymore. 
They challenge me to open, to abandon fear, to shine brighter and brighter.  My heart opens and then my voice and I try to match the sound of the spiraling colors of light dancing around me.  I am commanded to declare myself as light.
My mind searches for truth it can grasp hold of, and finds moments from recent memory, touch-stones of joy, evidence that Light is there within me. It also finds words from daily practice…
I am golden, glowing, shimmering, shining, sparkling stardust.  I am Sunlight on the meadow and Moonlight on the path.  I am a star shining in the night sky and the planets dancing in a crown of stars.  I am the Goddess and the God, and I am me.
They ask why I still carry the chains of my shadows and I realize I can let them fall away.  I am as filled with light as I am capable of being, and when they tell me to fly, I feel as if I might fly off the top of the tower and into the Sun itself, Icarus without wings, flight without the fall.
I am given keys, one to Shadows and one to Light, and am lead back down to the Kingdom, to the Earth that is my Home.

As day-light begins to grow and life begins to push upwards, striving to emerge from inside the ice, from beneath the earth, I have been spending time in the Temple of Light and will continue to do so.  I have so much to explore and to remember and to practice.  And yes, having fun takes practice, play takes practice, flying takes practice, as does filling yourself with light and sound and color…and light has so many colors.  I am hoping to make a lasting change in the way I function.  To rebuild my internal structures so light and shadow can exist and play together in balance within me. 
May your life be blessed by the beauty of new light and new life and new magick.
May the shadows be a place of rest and comfort, may you enjoy the balance and the beauty of both.
Blessed be.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Climbing the Stairs

Having crossed the barrier of fire and ice, the Tower that is my familiar vehicle and my comfortable and reliable haven was locked to me and I was lead into the abyss that is the “Dark Night of the Soul”.  Every connection I have was severed, removed, separated from me until I was utterly alone.  I was not left there however.  I was lead out of that dark, cold, grey wasteland to a place where grass grew under my feet, thicker and thicker until I came to the place of beginning.  I was told that I needed to climb a new Tower.  A Tower made of crystal and light rather than stone.   
As I began to climb, whispered challenges floated to me from voices that I could not be sure were truly there.  And then the Voice of the Crone, clear and undeniable, demanded to know why I had chosen to hide in shadows, and when and why I had made that choice.  I told her that it was safe and comforting to be hidden, to be invisible and therefore untouchable.  That in the shadows no one can see my defect, or be damaged by it, or use it to hurt me, or reject me for it.  She challenged me to name it.  “need, anger, confusion, pleasure, shame, fear”  She gave me chains to carry; I think those were their names.  She released me and I began to climb again and the whispers returned.
The Dark God, the Sage, Commanded me to stop, and the whispers were suddenly silent.  His hands were immediately around my throat and at that moment I should have been terrified but, I do not remember being afraid.  I remember feeling safe.  I remember feeling that in the hands of My God, I could not be anything other than safe and protected.  I remember feeling very calm and still and quiet, and I remember swearing an oath in my heart that I would not fail Him.  He challenged me to remember who I was before I chose to hide in shadows and at first I could not.  I had to look for it but, finally I found the child there in the past, in the light, and He released me to continue on my ascent and the whispers returned as I climbed the stairs until I reached the top.
 I have spent the past few weeks remembering the person I was when I was eight.  I can remember many of the things that I thought were fun, and how I loved my brothers, and mud and cleaning my closet (I loved to collect things and hide them in boxes in my closet, I suppose Saturn has always been my friend)   How I dreamed of dancing and how I loved making costumes out of scarves (I still have a beautiful scarf collection)  I really am the same person, I still love the same things and I have promised to play a lot more from now on. 
I have also spent time being the person I was when I was nine.  I have relived and remembered the things that happened.  I have re-thought with my nine year old rational, logical brain the conclusions and decisions I had come to then.  I have re-examined the evidence from then and from the past six months (I give thanks for friends that have taught me that it is safe to touch and be touched) and have been able to come to more accurate conclusions and a better approximation of truth.  This has not been a time of trauma but, of healing my Self, my mind, my beliefs.  This has been a time of rediscovering the whole person that I have always been and the beauty of my own soul, at eight, and at nine and at forty-seven.
The God and the Goddess required that I return to that place and time and so I have.  Now it is time to face the light.  May I go forth Shining.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Pausing in Silence

I am continuing to process and things are beginning to take root but, I am not ready to write about it yet.  I am pausing in silence while life begins to emerge from the well and I hope to tell you some wonderful stories soon.
In the meanwhile, my first article has been posted on Witchvox and I would like to share it with you so;
I will be doing my Dark Moon Ritual tonight.  Join me if it pleases you.
Thank you for walking this journey with me.  Blessings be upon you.

Saturday, March 2, 2013


I have been attempting to process my Initiation Ritual for the past week.  It was overwhelmingly powerful and profoundly transforming.  The immensity of it is going to take a long time to comprehend and to integrate.  There were so many lessons, so many words and images that it feels as though I spent years on that journey.   

I am trying to allow it to settle in and plan the work I need to do one step at a time.  Right now I wait for the Sun to melt the ice and for life to slowly emerge.  I have been reliving moments I spent in preparation calling upon all of my connections to be there with me to protect me, to guide my steps and my words to give me strength for the labor, for the delivery, for the giving birth to myself as a new person.

The thing is, now I can see that it was my Coven that gave birth to me and my Community that stood with them, stood for me, to midwife my rebirth, not just witness it.  It is my task to thrive as this new person.  To grow and to learn to walk and to speak, to work magick and to live a life more full, more conscious, happier, with greater purpose and intent and with love and light and a true union of the polarities that exist within me. 

The second degree in my tradition is a transition from Witch to Priestess.  If I am to serve my Coven, my Tradition, my community, those who walk this path with me, I must experience the fullness of this magickal life.  How can I help someone else find healing if I do not heal my own wounds?  How can I help another to embrace their own light if I continue to hide in the shadows?  I need not forsake the shadows or the twilight or the beauty or the magick to be found there.  But, there is magick and power in the bright light and if I remain in fear, hiding from that power, I neglect the gifts that the Gods would give me access to that I might serve others.  You cannot guide someone where you have never traveled.

 I Give Thanks and I ask you to brave this journey into the Bright Light of Truth and Adventure with me.  The light can be a bit blinding when you are accustomed to shadow but, there are wonders to be found there too.  I know this because the God and Goddess told me so, and showed me the truth of it and the fearful brilliance of that which can be found if we dare to look.  The light of a million stars exists within us…