I have been processing a lot of changes over the past week and I am still trying to figure out what they mean.
Things that I “know” about my Self, about my magick, about my own talents and limitations seem to be shifting.
It feels like when a child goes through a time of growth and the body grows taller and stronger, the limbs grow longer and the brain has to adjust because what it knows about the height and length and strength of the body is no longer accurate.
The things that I “know” about my abilities, how to respond to, use and compensate for them are no longer reliable and I have to learn how to process these new parameters.
It is not completely painless but, neither is it truly painful. It is just a little awkward and a little disorienting.
I am beginning to realize that greater access and deeper connection, both to my own magick and to that outside my Self, comes with a cost. That cost may be the sacrifice of the safety and comfort of “knowing”.
I am, surprisingly, not afraid. I do not choose safety and comfort and surety. I choose to reach for the unknown, to continue forward on this adventure. To fall on my face and to trip over my own feet if that is what is necessary. Although I hope to learn to move with grace, I don’t mind being covered in mud. I have always enjoyed the feeling of mud between my fingers and toes.