I love Storms. I love the freedom that they give me. For the past 3 days I have lived in a state of flux; of no time, no structure, almost no contact with anyone but the Gods and my Pwca. (Loved ones have checked on me and I am grateful for their contact, I am not so good at remembering to check-in.) I have felt as though if it were not for my companion, I might have just spun off the planet, out of my body, and ceased to exist. I have to admit, I have written with no awareness of the passage of moments, slept at very odd times, dreamt very vivid dreams, woke not knowing what day or time it was and forgotten to eat. Storms, and the alternating twilight and darkness of the past few days have a certain magick to them. They seem to suspend the influence of Saturn, of Time and Structure, of the Framework of the Universe, or at least of the mundane world.
It is time now for Balance. It is time now to regain the structure, to observe the clock and the duties of life in the day to day. To eat and go to work and remember that without the structure I cannot enjoy the pleasures of this incarnate life.
I cannot enjoy sex or coffee or chocolate or children playing. I cannot enjoy cuddling with my wonderful companion. I cannot enjoy the sheer pleasure of a hot shower. I cannot impact the world in any meaningful way if I am not in it.
In the past I have resented and struggled against the constraints of Saturn in my life. In the past I have felt as though Saturn controlled and indeed oppressed everything that I wanted. But without that influence everything else would have no context. Without the amazingly beautiful double-spiral of DNA I would not be me. Without the bone and muscle and skin of my body, without the blood and nerves and systems and pattern of my physical self, I would not have a reason to be here or the means by which to learn and experience this amazing world.
So, while I am grateful for the moments of freedom, of suspension of the laws of Time and Structure, I am even more grateful for the context that gives them meaning. This world, this body, this life is a great adventure and I am not done with it yet.
I give thanks for the dishes in the sink. (I did finally remember to eat.) Now time to go wash them since I have hot water again.