I have been struggling lately with a life change that I pursued because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I followed other people’s direction, despite a nagging feeling in my gut (and by that I mean not only my lower self but, my middle and upper selves as well) that made me ambivalent about the change. I took a new position at my job. The pay was more, it was a promotion and all indications were that it would be good for me and for my future.
So, I ignored my own instincts and my own intuition. I followed other people’s direction and after two months I have come to realize that I was horribly wrong to do so. I spent the past two months struggling to make it feel right. Trying every strategy and spell I know. Being patient and settling in and waiting for the stresses of change to pass.
In the past, I would have just kept showing up, and pushing through. But I can’t seem to do that anymore. Before I would have waited until I suffered a break so bad that I would have needed to spend months or even longer recovering. I am no longer willing to do that damage to myself before making a change. I don’t like change. I don’t usually initiate change unless I am so uncomfortable that it is impossible not to do so.
My intuition tells me that this is now the case. That I am this uncomfortable because I would not make the changes I need to otherwise. My instinct tells me that I am not safe, that I am not where I should be. And it is time for me to start listening to my own inner voices.
I have done divination to verify these impressions and I have received messages that I am protected in this unhealthy situation but, that change is needed without delay. The message is that danger and illness surround me and that I will be protected but, only as long as necessary to change the situation, that choices will be the result of diligent pursuit and the application of my own strength and steadfast nature. The “right” course of action is action, not waiting, not fighting.
I have been aggressively seeking other employment for the past ten days with no responses from any of the two dozen or so applications and resumes I have submitted. Today I followed my intuition and took off from work. I submitted an application on speculation and was called within the hour. Less than two hours later I was sitting across from a very nice young man interviewing for a position that seems to be just what I am hoping for.
The money is likely to be slightly less but, the rest of the situation sounds ideal. Money is important, but only in that I need enough to support myself and my companion. There are so many other considerations that are equally important to me. Being in a situation that is healthy for me is most important.
If I had not been listening to my inner voice I would be continuing to expend my energy fighting to survive in an unhealthy environment. I would not have submitted that application this morning. I would not have been available to take the phone call or to interview this afternoon. I would still be trying to fix my own shortcomings (because of course, that is the reason that I am unhappy where I am, not that the energy is toxic).
I have learned some very important lessons, lessons that I am very grateful to have learned without having to suffer injury. I have learned that I need to put my own instincts and intuition above the advice or agendas of others. I have learned that I need to pay attention and not to ignore my inner voice. I have learned that the knot in my center has important things to tell me and I have learned how to listen and to act without having to experience cataclysmic upheaval before recognizing the need and making a change.
The body is a great communicator of inner wisdom. If I feel it in my body, I need be listening to it and following where it leads me. I give thanks for lessons learned and for surviving them without damage. And I give thanks for the opportunities to come.