Retrieving pieces of the Soul

Playing with the North Wind by Susan Sedon Boulet

Yesterday I drove to Maryland to see a beautiful young woman who works as a Shaman.  She is also a trained psychologist but, it is her relationships with the Spirits and her skills as a healer that were the impetus for my making the two and a half hour drive after working for five hours at the end of a long week.  The resulting ritual was well worth the drive and more.

We had discussed my reasons for seeing her when we made the appointment, but when I arrived we talked about the things that I have done and learned since our last conversation.  When we went to her ritual room, I was immediately comfortable.  She explained her process and invited me to lie on the floor on a deer skin she had laid out for that purpose (deer are facilitators of transformation and it is an old practice).

 Then she began to call the Quarters and the Elements and the Earth Mother and the Ancestors and the Fae and the Spirits of place, and the Deities with whom she works.  Her voice singing clear and bright, they answered and came to the place to assist her in my healing.

She merged with Bear and began working at the place of my ancestors.  Her rattle moving in a rhythm that spoke to me on a level that I have rarely attained in the company of another person.  She asked me about the Large Black Cat at my feet and I told her that Pwca has been known to travel to me when there is something he wishes to participate in.

She described a Grandfather whom I have not met but, who was familiar and comfortable to me.  She used her drum to follow him deeper into Annwfn and He led her through tunnels (my ancestors were coal-miners) to find a piece of me that had been separated (compassion) and she returned it to me by blowing it into my heart and my head.  She then placed a large piece of black tourmaline at my feet. I find it interesting that the grief I feel over the loss of my children during their childhood is shared with my ancestors.

She then began to work on my root charkha discovering and removing the barbed wire that was wrapped around it and placing two pieces of red jasper on either side of my hips. 

She re-connected the three separate lights that are my sacral charkha and placed a large piece of polished carnelian over my womb. 

The message I received from her after working on my solar plexus is that it is strong when used to support me or to push me forward to do my work but, that I have kept it trapped rather than expressing it into the world.  There she placed a piece of bright yellow, sparkling sulfur.

When she began to work on my heart, my Patron came to sit beside me facing her with my heart between them.  She carefully examined the boxes she found there.  Some so old and untouched that they are locked and dusty and covered in spiders webs.  Gwynn would have had her break into each one (He can be a bit demanding at times) but, she knew that it needs to be done gently and not all at once.  This is work I need to do.  So she placed a smooth, oval, red and green stone over it after letting in as much sunlight as she could.

After the work on my heart I began to feel cold and my body began to convulse occasionally.  She made no comment to indicate that was concerning to her and so I did not feel a need to close down.  I wept occasionally as we discussed the damage and the work I need to do, and again, she seemed unconcerned and so I allowed it to happen as it would.  My ears began to hear a rushing sound and my body felt buzzing and I felt dizzy.  All of these are signs to me that energy is moving and healing is occurring in a profound way.

When she worked on my throat, she found “bobby-pins” at the back of my neck.  She thought she had used the wrong word but, I know she did not as those are things I associate with my mother and her desire that I be a “good girl” never “TOO LOUD or TOO BIG”.  She removed them and placed a piece of celestite beside my throat. 

After she worked on my third eye, we discussed some ways I might find useful in opening it when it is being stubborn, then she brushed me with her owl’s wing and removed the energy binding my entire spine. 

When we began to work on my crown she called to her Deities, some of whom I work with as well and invited me to use all of my names and call to my Gods and Allies.

Athena came to her and offered Her approval and Her assistance in finding wisdom when I am angry, to know how to use it and how not to misuse it, as that was one of the reasons I sought this healing.  She blew into my heart and my head again and filled me with “millions of golden skeleton keys”.  

One of the final lessons from this work is my need to establish strong boundaries and a stronger sense of self so that, when I shape-shift to meet the needs of those I serve, or to "get the work done" I can remember to return to who I am and not lose that to "what I can do, or what I can be".  I need not lose myself to my own talents.  

When the ritual was done, she offered her thanks and closed the gates that she had opened.

We visited for a while as I ate a little and drank before making the drive home.  It was a quiet and easy drive in the dark and when I arrived home Pwca cuddled beside me and I slept better than I have in months.

I give thanks for Pwca, for Gwynn ap Nudd, for Athena, for Bear and most especially for Monika Lonely Coyote.