Monday, February 18, 2013


During my Dark Moon Ritual last week I asked what I should do to prepare for my Second Degree Initiation Ritual which is scheduled to take place this coming Sunday.   I have been anxious and even fearful, and have had to face each fear and find a way to resolve it.  This past week I was confronted with the greatest fear I have, the base of every other fear my heart knows, the fear of disappointing my father. 

The thing is, I have never questioned the belief that if my father knew who I am he would be disappointed.  I have believed that for as long as I can remember.  My father has always loved me.  He has never given me any reason to believe that he would withdrawal his love from me.  In fact he raised me to be who I am.  So this belief is irrational and based in nothing.  Fears are often like that I think. 

My question about what I need to do to prepare was granted an answer.  I have journeyed every night.  I have done my daily practice and then journeyed to the astral with only the Rune I drew for that day as a guide, or key.  I have taken the same path that I have since I first began to travel, but without a pre-conceived destination.  I have traveled and discovered that which my Gods, Ancestors and Allies would show me.

Each night has been different. I have been given visions of the future and the past, lessons in pain and lessons in joy and lessons about secrets and the nature of my family and our familial shadows.  I have met ancestral spirits and been to places sacred to us.  I have also learned lessons about the nature of sacrifice and offerings and vows. I have learned a lot about my own nature and beauty and fear and shadows and the infinite shades of color and light.  I have learned about the joy of letting go and having faith. 

I have been given the keys I needed to find what I most desire, and I have been told that I need to play with mud.  And no, that is not a metaphor.  J  I hope to share some of these journeys with you in the future, but for now it is time for me to begin again.


  1. Hello, and mid-moon greetings, Lady A,

    Sounds like you have journeyed planes far and wide to get your answers! I reckon you may have discovered as I have in the past that sometimes its the surprising distant ancestors who offer the most sage advice. Nevertheless, when I read the part about playing in mud, I saw "clay". Perhaps there are secrets and elements in clay that are part of your road. Blessings, ~Pilgrim

    1. Pilgrim,
      I too interpreted it as clay. I need to find a potter who would be willing to teach me/help me to create a few things out of clay.
      The lesson was about the joy of mud and it is something that I need to follow through in the physical world.
      Thank you for your insight and your company on the adventure. :)
      Blessings- Awenydd -not "lady" we do not use those kinds of "titles" in my tradition, they are reserved for Deity but, thank you for the compliment :)

  2. I have the same sorts of fears/worries regarding my maternal grandparents. I'm very close to them, and they know a lot about me, but not about my beliefs. It's definitely hard not to feel like I'm letting them down by being who I am and keeping this secret from them. I'm glad you've made greater peace with your dilemma than I have.

    If you ever want to play in the mud, you know I'm your girl!