Healing

In Ritual last week with my tradition, I came face to face with the Maiden.  I would, as you might suspect, have gone to the Crone, or even to the Mother but, my High Priestess had suggested that I leave myself open and see who drew me to her…and so I came face to face with the Maiden. 

I did not know what I needed to ask.  I did not know how to ask.  But somehow the words came out of my mouth, asking to be given the ability to begin again, to be made new.  I did not understand what I was asking; my soul was working without my conscious control.  The Priestess who was aspecting did not know what the Maiden would do but, spoke kindly and said it would be so.  “What would be so?”  I did not know.

During the ritual I felt a physical “pop” and the sensation as when my water broke before I went into labor with my son. (I was not allowed to be conscious when they broke my water and induced labor before delivering my daughter by c-section, my son was also delivered that way but, labor came naturally by my own body)  Still, I did not understand.

I was very cold during the ritual, which is unusual for me as my temperature usually increases when I am engaged in magickal work.  I was also more open than usual, sobbing through the entire working, and after I had more difficulty than is normal for me, it took longer to return to my normal state of being.  Still, I did not understand.

Later, I was blessed by some very dear friends with what I now believe was a completion of the healing that the Maiden began.  I have been processing a great deal this week.  I have been trying to comprehend what she did, and what to do now.  I believe that she removed scars from a wound that I have never acknowledged, but one which has defined my every thought and deed since.  

Almost 4 decades of living predicated upon an event that I have never allowed myself to look at.  Anytime the memory surfaced, I refused to acknowledge it.  When the rage came, I refused to know its source.  But now I can look at it and see it clearly without pain or anger, and accept it in all its truth. 

I had believed myself to be a damaged person since then but, now I know that I am not.  I am undamaged.  Not only am I no longer wounded but, the scars are gone and I am not crippled or un-whole in any way.  I can do and feel things that I had believed myself incapable of for virtually my entire life.

The Maiden is not typically petitioned for healing or sympathy but, she knew what I needed, though I did not.  The Gods are always able to surprise us and are not to be constrained by our own narrow definitions of them.  They can also use others to affect us in ways we and our loved ones are not consciously aware of.  It is a mystery for which I Give Thanks.