Conversations with the Bone Mother

Last month I had the honor of aspecting the Goddess Hecate, as Bone Mother, for a joint Harvest Ritual with my coven and another of our Tradition.  Aspecting is a form of divine embodiment practiced by my Tradition. In the weeks leading up to the Ritual, and in the weeks since, Hecate Bone Mother and I have shared many conversations and She has impressed upon me Her desire that I share some of those conversations here. When that Lady “impresses upon you Her desire…”  well, I learned a long time ago not to argue with such “requests”.  I am going to comply eventually anyway. Life is easier if I dance to the Music the Gods are playing.  And I learn more effectively when I don’t waste time avoiding the lessons.  That being said, it is unusual to invoke Hecate in that aspect, especially at the first Harvest.  The Sun, while waning, is still strong. The light is still long. The Summer heat is at its greatest.  Green growth is abundant and full.  She was thrilled, to be invoked, and to have the pleasure of being in a body, even one with the limitations mine possesses, at this season, so full of Life.  The first thing she imparted to me was this;

“You have work to do Witch, get off your ass and get started.” 

She was referring to the spell I work to bless my grandchild. I had just learned that my second grandchild is expected in early December, but not having done any witchcraft to manifest the child, as I had before my first was conceived, I had not yet begun to work the spell.  Next was a discourse on the Magick of Bones. (Which of course would include a spell to manifest a child in Strength and Beauty among other blessings).  The importance of our bones, the strength of them, the way they are the vehicle by which we move in the world. 

“You need to move yours more.”

And She is right, to keep this body useful, and strong, I do need to move more.  Specifically, I need to dance, and often. 

“You are not yet ready for a nap in the Boneyard, you are not yet ready to be dust.  You have living to do, you have work to do, and you need to get to it.”

I get tired sometimes, like everyone else, I get weary.  The troubles of the day are more than sufficient, some days they are overly abundant. But I am indeed not dead yet, nor am I ready to turn to dust.  I still have living to do, I still have work to do, I still have loving to do.

“Every bone has its purpose. Some are for walking and climbing, some are for stitching with a needle, some are for embracing loved ones.  Just as every essential part of us has a use, none of them are without purpose.  None of our Bones are to be disowned. None of our essential selves are to be either.”

Those parts of ourselves that we despise, that we desire to abandon, are in fact necessary.  They are our very Bones.  They are the structure that helps us stand and move and they are the parts of us that will remain longer than any other.  They are quintessentially us. Even more than our Blood, which will turn to dust in the blink of an eye.  The Ritual was about the Sacrifice of the Harvest.  She wanted those present to offer to Her their Bones.  To offer a part of themselves, to release something of themselves that She could then give back to them as a new thing, as a magickal tool to help them grow, to be used upon their journey in the future.  Now, in aspecting a Goddess for a group ritual, especially such a One as She, I would have expected Her to express Herself with some solemnity, some mystery, some poetry even but, that is not what She chose to do.  Rather, She used my repertoire of swear words, such as it is, (evidently, I need to expand my vocabulary a bit) and She spoke quite bluntly, no pulling punches, no dancing around things.  Truth be told, I spent a few days afterward worrying about it. And the conversations continued.

“…and why is it any concern of yours?  I choose what words and what manner of speech will serve me in the moment, and it is not your worry how I choose to present myself.  You only need to be strong and flexible and to keep your heart open so that I may touch those who need Me to in they way that they need Me to.” 

It took a few days but, I thought about how she received each person’s sacrifice. How She did so with such compassion, and respect and reverence.  She truly valued each Bone She was offered.  And She gave to each person love, blessing and magick in turn.  And that was my hope as a priestess in that Ritual, to serve Her well, so that She could bless those present.  Once I was able to let go of my worries over how my service to Her was perceived by others, She pointed out that I had yet to make my own sacrifice to Her.  Indeed, I had not been able to choose. (Sometimes the immediacy of Ritual can help force us to choose, and in that moment, we discover what we need most.)  I had time, too much time perhaps.  I thought about what I remembered of the sacrifices She had been offered by others, many were surprisingly repeated over and over again.  So many human Bones are shared among us.  But I eventually discovered what my sacrifice was supposed to be.  I was discussing with her my worries about becoming an old woman, especially my concerns regarding my eventual loss of vision, and the fact that many things that I had hoped for in this lifetime were no longer possible.  I decided to offer to her those hopes, the hopes of a young woman for blessing that life can hold for a young woman and that eventually become the safety and blessings of an old woman.  And then She did the most magickal thing.

“You do not need to give up this thing.”

She was correct.  I had lumped one thing into that sacrifice that was not “something that is no longer possible”.  And so, She gave it back to me.  It is not ‘a thing that will happen” but it is “a thing that can happen” if I choose to make it so.  I have a blessed life, and it is good to know that if I choose, I still have time to manifest a dream from my youth.  I can make that a part of my life as an “old woman”.  Hecate Bone Mother is now Someone with whom I have relationship.  She even chose a gift from among my possessions.  A necklace of black and amber beads with a fossil of a nautilus shell that was given to me by one of my Elders at my third degree initiation.  Although I liked it very much, I had never worn it, nor had I given it away, I did not know why.  But almost two years later, it was still among my things. She chose it immediately upon being asked if she would like a gift from me. I suspect we will have many more conversations in the future, and some She may wish for me to share with those who choose to read this blog.  In the meantime, I am not dead yet, I am not ready to turn to dust nor to take a nap in the Boneyard.  I have work to do and I need to be busy about getting to it. Blessings from the Bone Mother.  Blessed Be.

The Magick of Play

In a world where life is ever more difficult, where we are constantly bombarded with unwelcome news, where the future seems ever more worrisome, we can become unbearably weary.  

We can become so burdened by the mundane, and the seemingly inevitable despair of the world that our passion, our joy, our optimism and our pleasure seem increasingly beyond our reach.

This is not the way I wish to live.  

In circumstances like these, Play becomes absolutely necessary.  We need to remember how to be hopeful, how to have fun, how to laugh.

Once a week I gather with some friends to Play.  I pretend to be someone else.  I spend an evening doing ridiculous things and together we create a story.  A wild, impossible and gloriously outrageous story.  I get to learn new skills, and to practice things that make me uncomfortable, like conflict, in a safe place with friends.  I get to practice communicating more clearly, and facing conflict, and being bold, and even vent stress and anger in healthy, playful ways.  I get to say, “bite me” to people who will not be hurt by those words.  And I get to laugh, a lot.

Play and laughter are just as important for adults as they are for children, perhaps even more so.  We need play, and laughter, and fun, to remain strong and healthy and to renew our spirits in a world that is filled with sadness and despair.  Laughter and play are the antidote to the toxicity and weariness of challenging times. 

Life is good.  The Sun still shines, as do the Moon and the Stars.  Find Joy, find Pleasure, find Laughter.  Play!

In Perfect Love and Perfect Trust

As we enter into ritual space as a Coven, each of us says aloud, “I enter this Circle in Perfect Love and Perfect Trust”. 

 At a Ritual a few months ago, I was asked by one of our guests why we say those words.   He was concerned that, if it was a requirement of entering Ritual with the Coven, he was not capable of meeting such a standard. 

 I reassured him that it was not a requirement, but rather an intention, an ideal to which we aspire, and that none of us are perfect in our practice of that ideal.  

If we cannot achieve such perfection, why would we use those words?  Because words have power, and stating our ideals, our intentions, helps us to remember our common goal, our aspirations, and our commitment to each other to continue to “practice” Perfect Love and Perfect Trust with each other, and with ourselves. 

While none of us can achieve Perfect Love and Perfect Trust all the time, there is magick in ritual, when we can reach beyond our limitations, and achieve for a moment, something beyond our own abilities.  Each time we reach beyond ourselves and achieve, if only for a moment, a glimpse of our ideal, we expand our own capacity for the practice of that to which we aspire.  We “practice” Perfect Love and Perfect Trust.  It is not just a quaint twist of language but a Truth that we “practice”.

We, as a Coven, have committed to “practicing” Perfect Love and Perfect Trust with each other.  It is an ideal that we have explored as a group and as individuals.  We have shared with each other what that ideal looks like, and discussed how we manifest that ideal, with Coven, with Community, with our loved ones and with ourselves.  We have all grown and learned and expanded our understanding of what those words mean, and how to put such ideals into practice in ritual and in our lives.

There is inherent risk in such work.  Just as we cannot achieve perfection in our practice, we are also, in our humanity, not ascended beings. We all have secrets; we all have shadows.  We will each, at some time or another, let another down in some way and we will all be let down by someone we love and trust.  This is a truth of human experience, Family, Friends, Lovers, Coven and Community.  So, what does it mean to practice “Perfect Love and Perfect Trust” in the light of such Truth?  Or do we give up such a lofty ideal in the attempt to avoid the pain that results from the inevitable?

It is my belief that the bonds of emotional intimacy that are forged by such work, and the vulnerability that is inherent in those bonds, hold the potential for greater magick and transformation. The opportunity to learn and to practice forgiveness, resilience, strength, courage, knowledge, wisdom and power with ourselves and with one-another is worth the risks of personal pain, from someone we love failing us, and from us failing someone we love.

Love is worth the risk of failure, and the risk of pain.  Love is worth vulnerability.  Love is great Magick.  Love is the Magick that can re-enchant the world. Love is the magick that can heal our world and ourselves. Perfect Love and Perfect Trust are ideals worth aspiring to and worth practicing.

May you be blessed with both.  Blessed Be!

Blessing the Waters and the Community

I am the High Priestess of a Coven, the Weavers of the Moonfire.  I live in a small town where there is not a large public pagan community.  That is not to say that the community does not exist here, but that it is not highly visible.  And I am about to attempt to make it much more visible, if not to our mundane community, at least to its self.

The nearest Pagan Pride event happens in Philadelphia. Our Coven will be participating with other covens from our Tradition, as well as other members of the greater community.  But before that Saturday in September, we will be offering a Public Ritual in a Public Park in our town.

The Intent of the Ritual is to Bless, Honor and Protect the Waters that flow through our town.  We hope to inspire the members of our local community to take actions to honor and protect the Waters that give Life to the Land on which we live.  We are also hoping to raise donations to send to support the Water Protectors of the Standing Rock Reservation in North and South Dakota.   

But, I also hope that the individuals in our local community will see each other and will know that they are not alone here, that they will understand that we all have allies here.  I want the community to become more aware of itself.  

This is action that I feel compelled to take.  This is how I can act to make my world better.  This is how I can act to support others in the Great Work.  Yes, this action is outside of my comfort zone, but it is not outside of my abilities.  It is action that I have been guided to for over a year.  I will write more about the seeds that have been planted in me to do this thing.  But for now, there is much work to be done.  May it be Blessed.

Prayers and Politics

I have felt many emotions today, about the past, about our history, about the men who have been president of my country during my lifetime.  I am still very proud that the transfer of power in this nation happens in a peaceful manner, with neither bloodshed nor imprisonment.   

I am not an overtly political person. I am a patriot, I believe in Liberty, in the rule of Law, in Justice and in a government of the People, by the People and for the People.  

I am neither a pacifist, nor an anarchist.  I believe in peaceful resistance and the great privilege of voting as a preferred means of revolution without bloodshed. 

When I was younger, I fell in love with the idea of a revolutionary named Ernesto “Che” Guevara but, while I have a theoretical weakness for the idea of “the Revolutionary”, I do not believe in armed rebellion.  I have never aspired to be “Great” in that way.

I believe that it is my duty as a citizen to be prepared to defend my neighbors from terrorists and fascists, especially if they come in the night in the guise of agents of my own government. But truth be told, I fear that possibility, because I fear that I may not have the courage to act when the moment of Truth arrives.

I know a lot of people who are afraid of what the future holds because they believe that the President who was inaugurated today will bring about untold horrors.  I am afraid that if those horrors indeed come to pass that, I will fail to do what I believe to be right.

I also know a lot of people who are hopeful because they have felt unheard and unseen and they have been afraid that they will lose their homes, or that their children will be cold and hungry, or that their loved ones could die if they are unfortunate enough to become ill because they cannot afford to be treated.  People who work harder than they should have to and are one small misfortune away from losing everything. 

We all have experienced fear of the future because it cannot be known.  It is a natural human reaction to fear circumstances that we cannot control. 

But fear of the future, and anger and hatred of others, the idea that other human beings, fellow citizens of our nation and our world, are “the Enemy”, is not the way to create the world or the future that I want. 

Civility, discourse and the ability to walk in another man’s shoes are needed.  The ability to listen to another man’s story, and to see that he is in no way significantly different from me, is necessary.  Compassion, understanding and hope, and a healthy dose of courage and honor will be as essential as they have always been. 

I do not like the President’s immaturity, his egomania, or his very fluid relationship with the truth.  I vehemently disagree with just about everything he has said and done over the years.  But he is just a very flawed human. 

I can do many things to positively affect the course of the future.  Now is not the time for rioting in the streets. 

I will not be marching tomorrow, not because I do not want to, but because it is not within my abilities for various reasons.  I will be praying, and holding those who are marching in safety and power. 

I will also be praying for the new President over the next 4 years.  For him to be guided, and restrained as necessary, and for him to learn, and grow and change, as any flawed human is capable of.  He is a 70-year-old father and grandfather.  He is not my enemy and he is not a monster, just a very flawed human just like every human who has ever held power. 

May the Gods, the Ancestors and the Spirits guide him, bind him, and teach him as necessary.  And may We the people learn and grow and evolve through this process as well.

And if the horrors we fear should be visited upon us, may They grant me the courage to stand for what I believe to be right.  So mote it be.  

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd!

The Grand Sword of the Gorsedd of Bards 

“Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd” The Welsh proverb “The Truth against the World” is only the beginning of a ritual litany.   

Before the National Eisteddfod (a bardic competition of singing, recitation and instrumental mastery celebrating Welsh identity, language and culture) can commence, the Gorsedd (gathering) of Bards conducts a ritual in which the Grand Sword (upon which these words are inscribed) is partially unsheathed and laid upon a stone altar.

The call is made “Y Gwir yn Erbyn y Byd!” The Truth against the World!

The response is a question “A oes Heddwch?" Is there Peace?

Then comes the call “Calon wrth Galon!" (Heart to Heart!) and again the question “A oes Heddwch?"

Then finally the call "Gwaedd uwch Adwaedd! A oes Heddwch?” (Shout above the shouting! Is there peace?)  

The Eisteddfod cannot commence until the Gorsedd has declared Peace among them.

These words move me.  I have written before about the meaning that “Truth against the World” holds for me but; this past week I have been thinking about them a great deal.  My Third degree Initiation into my Tradition will occur in two weeks. It is an initiation into Service, as clergy and leadership in my Coven and my Tradition.  It is the beginning of a new leg of my journey. 

And I have been contemplating my purpose in this world in light of this new phase.  “Truth against the World” is a large part of that purpose, but it is only the beginning, only the starting point.  It is not about Truth for truth’s sake but, Truth for the greater purpose of Peace.  My heart calls out for Truth, for Love, for Healing of our World, and for Peace. 

Two days ago I had these words, Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd, inscribed (tattooed) upon my right forearm in red script, to commemorate the beginning of this stage in my life but, also to remind me every time I see them of my purpose, and of the entire litany.  To remind myself to ask the question “A oes Heddwch?"  Do I bring Peace?

I am not a pacifist, although I respect those who hold that place in our world.  My heart longs for Peace but, not for peace at any cost. Peace without Liberty is not Peace but rather oppression.  My purpose is Peace and Freedom, my purpose is Peace through Truth.  May my Gods, Ancestors and Allies bless me in my purpose.

Y Gwir Yn Erbyn Y Byd!

Despair is the enemy of change...

This past week has been a difficult one for many, including me.  First there was the shock of the shooting itself.  Then came the grief and anger and fear, the frustration and desire for retribution, and the insult of erasure.  

   

The sheer stupidity and incredible ignorance of the public discourse was almost unbearable if you even bothered to listen, which truth be told, I did not. Because I knew it would be dreadful and I refused to subject myself to it.  But I am aware of the effect it had on those I love.

I do not advocate willful ignorance.  Hiding one’s head in the sand is not a practical solution to the ills of our world but, I can spend five minutes a day in research to discover the facts of what happened and to get confirmation that the reactions of the ignorant and hateful factions of our society are indeed what I had suspected they would be.  I refuse to spend the precious substance of my life, my time, exposing my soul to the wasteful and damaging effects of hate-speech.

I am angry that someone massacred forty-nine people.  Forty-nine of my fellow humans died for no other reason than the hate of another damaged human.  I am angry that those who have a voice are ignoring the fact that those who died were members of a community that has historically been targeted for violence and that has not been protected by those who are entrusted with the defense of the people.

I have loved ones who have been a part of that community for decades.  I too identify as a member of that community, I identify as Queer, although I am not seen as such by almost anyone.  I am angry at the erasure of identity being practiced by those with a public voice in the discourse surrounding this tragedy. 

But the worst thing of all to me is the despair I witness in the hearts and souls of those whom I love.  Two beloveds in particular have spoken words of despair this week, one young and straight, the other gay and middle-aged.  Despair does not discriminate.

Despair is the enemy, make no mistake.  It is normal and natural and completely understandable and I do not ridicule my beloveds, for their despair is a familiar shadow.  But Hope is needed and Faith is necessary.  We cannot affect change, and we need change, if we hold no Hope.  Despair robs us of our will, our energy, our purpose and our joy.

I know the world is a dangerous place.  I know that much of our society is ignorant and operating from a place of fear and hatred.  I know that much of our human race is ill and damaged.  But I believe that we are not beyond Healing, that we are not beyond Hope.

I have Faith that the majority of the human race is not represented by the voices shouting hatred at the top of their lungs.  Indeed those voices are so loud that they all but drown out the voices of our higher angels with their “Sound and Fury”.  But they are indeed idiots and their words signify nothing.  I have Faith that we can continue to affect change, and healing and the positive evolution of our species and our society if we keep working, struggling, fighting, believing.  I believe that we can indeed re-enchant the world so long as we do not give up Hope.

I am not delusional, although I may be stubborn.  And if the world chooses to see me as simple or sentimental because I choose Hope and Faith, so be it but, I will not despair, for despair is the enemy of change and I am a champion of Hope.