Monsters and Enemies

I am resistant to the thought of another human being as my Enemy.   Not because I cannot see just how horrific humans can behave, but because when we think of another as our Enemy we de-humanize them, we make Monsters of them, and that gives them more Power than they have a right to, but it also makes it easier for me to then treat them as less than my fellow human.  And that can be a slippery slope to me becoming the Monster.  When I am so focused on the Evil that a man can do, I can justify a great deal of Evil behavior myself. 

So, I will not think of 45 as a Monster or as my Enemy but, I will resist his actions and his behavior.  I can Resist his complete disdain for Truth, Liberty, Compassion, Justice, Peace, and the Rule of Law with Passion, Strength, Courage, Compassion, Love, and Truth against the World until there is Peace.

I will hold Compassion for those he harms and threatens with his unrighteous actions.  But  I will also hold Compassion for those who are confused, blind, asleep, and deluded by his deceptions. They are also not my Enemies. I will offer sanctuary to those who feel unsafe, support to those who are weary in the fight, protection to those who need it.  I will seek Truth and Speak Truth and Shout above the Shouting until there is Peace.

We are not the first people to face a human of his ilk, and I do not refer only to the fascists of the last century.  There have been men and women of his sort for as long as humans have existed.  We are all capable of living enthralled to our basest and worst selves and sometimes those humans most enthralled to the shadows within them are the most driven to seek and to gain power. 

Our Ancestors faced such power-mongers, some of them were such power-mongers…and some of us were as well.  We as a species are evolving.  We as individuals are the vehicles for that evolution.  Sometimes the worst of our shadows, in their basest human forms, are the catalysts for that evolution.

45 will eventually die, and perhaps he will be forced to relinquish power before he does so, or perhaps not.  What matters now is our behavior.  In the face of all his wrongdoing, what will we do?  When we look back upon our actions, what will we know about ourselves? 

Let us not become the Monsters we are capable of being, but let us prove to ourselves, to our families, our tribes, our ancestors, to our allies and our Gods, but most of all, let us prove to those poor deluded creatures who cannot see beyond the glamour and deceptions, that we are People of Truth, Peace, Liberty, Justice, Compassion, Courage, Strength and Love.  And let us hold onto Hope.  So, Mote It Be.

Despair is the enemy of change...

This past week has been a difficult one for many, including me.  First there was the shock of the shooting itself.  Then came the grief and anger and fear, the frustration and desire for retribution, and the insult of erasure.  

   

The sheer stupidity and incredible ignorance of the public discourse was almost unbearable if you even bothered to listen, which truth be told, I did not. Because I knew it would be dreadful and I refused to subject myself to it.  But I am aware of the effect it had on those I love.

I do not advocate willful ignorance.  Hiding one’s head in the sand is not a practical solution to the ills of our world but, I can spend five minutes a day in research to discover the facts of what happened and to get confirmation that the reactions of the ignorant and hateful factions of our society are indeed what I had suspected they would be.  I refuse to spend the precious substance of my life, my time, exposing my soul to the wasteful and damaging effects of hate-speech.

I am angry that someone massacred forty-nine people.  Forty-nine of my fellow humans died for no other reason than the hate of another damaged human.  I am angry that those who have a voice are ignoring the fact that those who died were members of a community that has historically been targeted for violence and that has not been protected by those who are entrusted with the defense of the people.

I have loved ones who have been a part of that community for decades.  I too identify as a member of that community, I identify as Queer, although I am not seen as such by almost anyone.  I am angry at the erasure of identity being practiced by those with a public voice in the discourse surrounding this tragedy. 

But the worst thing of all to me is the despair I witness in the hearts and souls of those whom I love.  Two beloveds in particular have spoken words of despair this week, one young and straight, the other gay and middle-aged.  Despair does not discriminate.

Despair is the enemy, make no mistake.  It is normal and natural and completely understandable and I do not ridicule my beloveds, for their despair is a familiar shadow.  But Hope is needed and Faith is necessary.  We cannot affect change, and we need change, if we hold no Hope.  Despair robs us of our will, our energy, our purpose and our joy.

I know the world is a dangerous place.  I know that much of our society is ignorant and operating from a place of fear and hatred.  I know that much of our human race is ill and damaged.  But I believe that we are not beyond Healing, that we are not beyond Hope.

I have Faith that the majority of the human race is not represented by the voices shouting hatred at the top of their lungs.  Indeed those voices are so loud that they all but drown out the voices of our higher angels with their “Sound and Fury”.  But they are indeed idiots and their words signify nothing.  I have Faith that we can continue to affect change, and healing and the positive evolution of our species and our society if we keep working, struggling, fighting, believing.  I believe that we can indeed re-enchant the world so long as we do not give up Hope.

I am not delusional, although I may be stubborn.  And if the world chooses to see me as simple or sentimental because I choose Hope and Faith, so be it but, I will not despair, for despair is the enemy of change and I am a champion of Hope.  

Rebuilding...

For the past few months I have been undergoing a process of deconstruction, of tearing down everything that I count on, everything that I believe.  The destruction of my internal structures, the resurrection of unresolved memories, and the complete desolation of self had left me nothing but the core of my pathology, a crippled creature to be put down.  At one point a few weeks ago I was as far down into the abyss as I can ever remember being. 

My sister and Priestess was worried about me and said so, calling me to account and making me admit to the place I was occupying.  My brother and priest recognized that I was on the edge and pushed and poked until I lost the last bit of my control and, like a spring wound too tightly, I became un-sprung.  My beloved kinsman gave me objective guidance and tools to assist me in learning skills that I have lacked.  My lover held me and listened and talked and kept me from total isolation by giving me the comfort of his company and the wisdom of his own experience with his own abyss. 

I had lost my vision, I had lost my desire to continue to engage, to serve, I had nothing but doubt that I would ever be able to become what I need to be, even survival was not a sure thing but, I kept fighting.  And I am once again able to see the vision of what I can be.  I have remembered the desire to serve.  I have regained my feet and have discovered that I am not crippled.  I have found that lack of balance means I need to learn to dance in the void. 

Many of the ways in which I had functioned will not serve me in the work I hope to do.  I have begun new work, I am learning new skills, and engaging in new relationship with Deity.   I am rebuilding a new structure. I have a new vision of how to build a structure that will serve me and those I love.  One with more open space and less obstructions, less obstacles, with bigger windows to let in more light and to let in more air, to let the fires burn warmer and brighter, to let the waters flow more freely. 

I give thanks for those who helped me not only to survive the past few months but to rise from them ready to begin building something new.  May they be blessed and may I live up to their trust and their love.  Blessed Be

Are the Gods capricious?

Sometimes, when we have made the decision to finally, fully step onto the path with intent, but we have hesitated because we did not know where to begin, the Gods will give us a “push”.  They will answer our unformed intention, our unspoken desire, with what feels like a slap in the face or a kick in the teeth, or the rug being pulled out from under us.

Mine came eleven years ago as a very bad week at work and ultimately the loss of a job that was becoming a detriment to my life, my health, my sanity and my well-being.  It wasn’t a bad job.  It wasn’t unethical, nor was I treated poorly but, I was stuck in a cycle of stress, pressure, cocaine and crisis that I could not choose to walk away from.  I was deeply unhappy and I could not see a way out.  So Brighid found one for me.

I remember feeling incredibly relieved and smiling when I was told.  The cocaine use ended almost immediately and shortly thereafter I started massage school. I began to learn how to live in the moment, how to be present in my body, how to heal with my hands, how to move energy, and how to live mindfully.  For the next six years I had time to practice my faith both in my work and in my life,  In those years I found my coven and my community and began walking my path with direction and purpose. 

Five years ago, after my first degree initiation, I became a bonded member of my coven, began working as a banker, I left a marriage, began my second degree initiation process, and moved house three times in one year until I found my current home. In the four years since I landed in the home They intended for me, I have been promoted twice, completed my second degree initiation, quit my job, and returned to it, began my third degree initiation process, and began therapy.

I have learned to follow the path that is never clear, to listen to my intuition and correct my course, to see where it is that The Gods want me to go and to take each step toward that place one at a time, finding the next only after taking the one in front of me.  They have pushed me and kept me in my job even when I wanted to be doing something else.  They have allowed me to be alone and lonely, in love and disappointed.  They have pushed me to learn who I am and to dig into profoundly painful truths. 

But as long as I keep taking the next step, as long as I continue forward into that journey they intend for me, they have not needed to kick me in the teeth.

My Gods are not cruel, they are not capricious but, they do not care all that much about my comfort, or my “happiness”.  What they do seem to care about is my readiness to do the work and the evolution of my spirit.  I can only do the work if I am sane, healthy, strong and whole.  If my mind, heart, soul or body is encumbered by dysfunction or deformity, I am not as useful to them, or to my purpose, my family, my coven, my community or my world. 

If I am listening and willing to follow their guidance, they have no need to rain stones upon my head, they can simply whisper in my ear.  They will dance as lightly in my life as possible, or as brutally as necessary…the choice is mine.

They have never abandoned me, or asked me to do anything unethical or anything that I was not capable of doing (although I may not have believed it at the time).  They have always lead me to do that which was better for me…even when they needed to kick me in the teeth to get me there.  I am Blessed by my Gods and I Give Thanks.

Humanity

I am Human.  More than anything, I am a human being, a member of the human race.  Before gender, or ethnicity, or sexuality, or spirituality, or politics, or any other detail of my individuality, I am Human.  I think of the entirety of humanity as my relations.  Truth be told, I think of many other species as my relations as well, animals, trees, waters, stones, stars, and the Fae.  But this is about my Human relations.

I am an optimist.  I believe that the human species is not beyond hope.  While we are capable of great violence and darkness, and while many suffer from soul-sickness, and our society as a whole has a great need for healing, I believe that we are also capable of great nobility and compassion.   It is my hope to be a healing influence on those humans with whom I interact in this lifetime, my family and my community but, also those whose names I do not know. My Tradition is engaged in the mission of “Re-enchanting the World” and I strive to fulfill that mission in every encounter I have every day. 

I hold hope, and faith, and love, and joy, and truth.  I hold compassion and I pray for the healing of our species, our society, and our world.  May Humanity survive this sickness long enough to evolve to become the more noble version of ourselves, and may our world survive long enough to see us do so.  So Mote It Be.         

The Journey...

The foundation of my personal spiritual practice is not something that I do every day (except for a week or two for very specific reasons).  It is something that I did not begin practicing until I was 28 years old, when I read my first book about the path I am now walking.

The Celtic Shaman by John Mathews was a book that I found in a “normal” bookstore in town while attending a very conservative Christian University.  I had moved to South Carolina and was living in a camper off campus in an attempt to complete my degree at the University my parents had sent me to when I left the College in Indiana.  It was a very intense four months of self-discovery and a very painful time of darkness.  In that book I first read the names of my Gods.  I first learned that there were stories and poems about the Gods of my Ancestors.  And through that book I experienced my first Journey into the Otherworlds.  That book changed my life forever.  That Journey and every Journey since saved my life.

For years I had no other practice but journey and building relationships, I did not even write for almost 14 years except for a rare poem or two.  And those Journeys eventually led me to my beloved Coven and Community.  My Patroness has led me through the Journey and I have met many who guide and strengthen me.  

If I lost all else, I would still have my relationships with my Gods, my Ancestors and my Allies, I would still have joy in my heart and the sustaining practice of the journey.
I give thanks for all of those with Whom I have relationship and for the new Allies I meet as I continue my journey on this path.  Blessed am I on this path.  

Christmas is Magick...

I grew up celebrating Christmas.  Christmas Eve was always a most magickal moment in time to me.  And while most of my life it was also a time of sadness (I did not truly understand why until recently) the magick of it is something that I cannot and will not forsake. 

I celebrate Yule, the Return of the Light but, I believe that the magick that follows a few days after is incredibly powerful.  Christmas enchants people.  People who cannot find enchantment in their world for most of the year can still find hope of it in that moment.  And that hope is a priceless treasure.

Our world needs all the magick it can find.  Our people (human people) need all the magick and hope they can glean from anywhere they can find it.  There is so much hopelessness and sorrow in this world, there is so much grief and despair, there is so much pain and sadness, there is so much anger and rage in the hearts and souls of so many of my kin (humans and others). 

People I love are in pain and it breaks my heart to see them so.  So tonight I will leave you with this one thought.  Love is real, magick is real, we are not beyond hope, we are not beyond healing. We can find our way if we just keep seeking.  Love is the law, may it reign forever.

Much love to you, blessed be.

Experiments

We are constantly changing.  When we are involved a process of spiritual evolution, our abilities and the ways in which we function, are constantly growing and shifting. 

In order to learn how to live with these new perimeters, we need to experiment.

We need to try new ways of doing things.  We need to test different ways of magick, of loving, of living, of being.  

Some of our experiments will teach us about what no longer works, some will teach us what might work and we may need to adjust our course along the way.  Partial successes, failures, false starts, miss-steps, course-corrections are part of the process.  Perfection is not a realistic goal.  We learn by trying and every time we attempt something new, or in a new way, we gain understanding through the experience. 

I am a fan of the scientific method.  I enjoy the experiments and the exploration.  I enjoy the creative effort of figuring out what works,  how I work.

The journey itself is the point.  The journey IS the magick.