Cernunnos; into the woods

My Coven’s Patron is the Horned God Cernunnos, Lord of the Wild, both the wild within the Natural World and within the Human Soul.

The following is a Journey I wrote a couple of years ago as a way to introduce others to my Beloved Wild God.  I hope you enjoy the experience.  Good Journey.

You are standing in a clearing on a hill, surrounded by woods.

Before you stands a stone tower, the surface half-covered with moss.

There are ancient symbols carved into the stones and as you try to decipher them you notice a rough wooden door, dark with age.

You pull on the latch and slowly, the door opens enough to allow you to enter.

Inside it is quiet. Air warm as a summer night drifts down from windows high above. The floor is smooth and worn.  There is a stair to your left spiraling upward and to your right leading down.

You turn to your left and begin to ascend the stair.  The stone steps are even and smooth and easy to climb.  The air is warm and fragrant.  You can see glimpses of a starry sky through the high narrow windows above you and you climb step by step up and around and up and up and up and around.  You can no longer see the door but you keep climbing wondering when you will reach the top.  Just as you are considering turning back you come to another door. 

The stair continues to spiral even further upward and you consider continuing your ascent but you are drawn to the door. It is a warm golden wood carved with spirals and ancient symbols.  You test the latch and the door opens smoothly and easily outward into a forest of ancient trees in full green, the stars of the summer night sparkling through the leaves and branches high above your head. 

Fire flies glow and blink their green light everywhere between the trees and as you watch them you notice a path before you and a creature standing in the path some yards ahead.  It is large and very still and you have to look for a few moments before you can discern what the creature is.  Then you begin to make out the graceful antlers reaching up from its brow and you know that the creature standing so still, waiting for you, is a Great Stag.  And He is indeed waiting.  You step forward onto the path and the Stag begins to walk away from you. You stop and he stops looking back at you and waiting, so you step forward again and follow the magnificent creature as it leads you down the path deep into the forest.

You follow the Stag for what seems a very long distance.  You begin to worry that you will be lost in these woods but then the Stag disappears around a bend in the path and when you reach the spot, your heart pounding from the fear that you have lost your guide, you find yourself in a glade, the Stag indeed gone from sight. 

The ground is clear and smooth, a small brook flows along one side and there reclining beside the brook, playing with the flowing water with one hand, is a very strange looking man.

He is naked and his long brown hair is braided with vines and feathers and from his brow raises a graceful pair of antlers.

This is Cernunnos.  Green Man and Horned God.  Lord of the Forest, Lord of the Beasts.  The Wild God. 

He looks up at you and grins, his eyes sparkling with mischief and what seems like laughter.  He doesn’t speak but rises and you hear plainly in your head “Lets Run!”

 He runs, and you follow.  You find that despite what you would have expected you are able to run as fast as He.  Faster and easier than you ever have, leaping higher and with more power and grace than you have ever known. It is exhilarating and your heart beats and your blood rushes through your veins and your muscles move with a strength and agility you have only ever dreamt of.   You Run and run  until you finally lose sight of him and you stop running, not even a little out of breath and step forward into the glade and find him as you did before.

Drink from the brook, cool your brow if you wish, relax on the soft ground.  Spend as much time as you like with the God.

When you feel it is time to go, thank the God and take your leave of Him.  Follow the path back to the tower. The door stands open and you enter and descend the stair then pass through the Door to the place where you began.

Invocation to The Dark Father

Recently my Patron had given me a vision of magick that he wished for me to cast.  I could not cast this spell indoors, it had to be done naked, in a wild place, under a sky filled with stars and a bright moon.  I could not cast it on my knees, or in supplication in any way.  He insisted that I stand and demand the magick.  I believe this was a lesson from Him, meant to teach me about my power and my strength.  Tomorrow is the second anniversary of this blog, I thought I would share this with you.  Thank you for walking with me on my journey.  

  

 Dark Father, My God of Long Night, Hear me!

 King of the Otherworld, My Lord of Storms, Hear me!

Wild Leader of the Hunt, God of the Whirlwind Hear me!

Heed my Call and Hear my Voice!

Arise my Glorious God and Harken to your Creature!

My Strong Father, My Lord of Raging Storms!  

Hear me now!

I am Your Daughter, Your Priestess, Your Witch!

Arise from your Throne in Annwfn!  

Heed the Call of Your Own!

My Wrath rises up within me!

My Anger burns and fills me with Flame,

With Heat that pours from my body 

in waves of Bright Power,

With Flames that Destroy all but my Will,

With Fire that Consumes and never wanes!

It Rises up within me until I am Fire Itself,

until I am Thy Burning Blade,

and naught can stand against Your Dragon Sword!

Arise my Dark Father and Heed Thy Warrior’s Will!

Under a Sacrifice Moon You Granted me Vision,

In the heat of the flames, You Gifted me Truth,

My Sacrifices have bought my Strength and Freedom,

Your Gifts have Sparked my Power, as You Desired,

I am Your Burning Flame!  I am Your Creature,

Hear my Call and Heed my Voice!

I am Your Creature, Your Daughter, Your Own! 

With Your Gifts and Your Visions in my Sight,

With Your Wild Spirit in my Soul,

With Your Burning Blade in my Heart,

And with all the Power and Strength 

that You demanded I find,

I claim the Desire You have placed within my Heart!

I am Your Creature, Your Daughter, Your Own!

Heed my Call and Hear my Words!

For they come from Your Own Heart!

By Moon and Stars and Fire and Night 

and Wild Magick!  So Mote It Be!

Propitiation and Petition

My strongest Magick is not operative but, rather relational, so that is how I work.

When something compels me to act, engages my will to actually use power, I go to my Gods and to my Ancestors and to my Allies.  I go to Those with Whom I have relationship. 

I make offerings to my Gods and to my Ancestors and to my Allies as a part of my daily practice, as a part of building and maintaining relationships.  Speaking to Them and listening to Them and spending time with Them is also part of that.  I rarely ask Them for specific gifts or blessings or “intervention”. 

They are not generally disposed to interfering in the world in that way, and it would be insulting to ask Them for what I should be doing through my own hard work.  But when I am moved (and there must always be a strong emotional compulsion for me to engage my will), I will commit Rites of Petition and Propitiation for Their intervention in my world and in the lives of those that are mine own, or in the life of one whose story has moved me so.  I do not ask Them to act in a situation but rather, for an individual.   

I believe that propitiation works, I believe that petition, made on the behalf of another, works.  And if my warrior’s heart is engaged (because that is what it takes for me to use power) if my will is compelled to act, I believe that They will hear me and will answer.

My offerings might be of my own food supply, spirits (alcohol) that I know They will enjoy, an act of service to my community, or perhaps my own blood.  Whatever is of value to them and to me (for if I do not value that which I give, They will never be moved to grant my petition) .  

My petitions will be for the highest purpose I can articulate.  I make an impassioned argument for the rightness of my request.  I argue for the need and for the benefit to the family or  to the community, and to Them and the work They wish to be done.  I get downright demanding, and when They make demands in return, I make the vows that They require, and then I live up to those vows.  

I have even been questioned during a Rite, about whether or not I would still want that which I was asking for, if it meant making a sacrifice (of something I desire, not something that would cause harm) .  I answered yes, and yet that vow was never required.  Sometimes they just want to test your commitment, your conviction., or to teach you.

Understand that Rites such as these are not to be undertaken lightly.  Intercession has a price.  If one is going to begin to make petition, one must be willing to pay the price requested.  I have never been denied, however propitiation is never only that which I have offered.  There is always a cost that is determined by Them.  

That being said, the price has always resulted in more understanding and growth for me and deepening of my relationship with Them.  They never stop teaching me.  And I give thanks.

No More Pretending...

When you are different, it is sometimes easier to pretend, for the sake of others, that you are other than your nature. 

Pretending can be a useful strategy for making others more comfortable, and to get them to leave you alone. When they are not bothering you, you can spend your energy doing as you please, rather than constantly reassuring others or dealing with their questions, their concerns, their judgments or their wishes.  Stealth is also very useful because it allows you to accomplish what you want with less effort and less conflict.  It allows you to get things done without direct opposition. 

The problem with spending years in stealth mode and with pretending to be what everyone else is comfortable with, is that it becomes a habit so entrenched in your life, a pattern so deeply imbedded, that you might forget that it's not who you truly are.  And breaking that habit will take a lot of hard work.

It will take diligence and perseverance and sometimes, what may seem to be rather extreme measures.  It will take courage and intent and more hard work.  It may cause anxiety, fear, confusion, panic, more confusion, for yourself but, also for those around you. 

You will have to deal with those you love feeling afraid because you are no longer speaking or behaving in the way that they have come to expect, nor in the way that they want you to.

And you will feel awkward, because walking around as you is much different that walking around as the person you have been pretending to be. 

You might wear different clothes, different shoes, have a different posture, a different gait, a different voice that may sound strange to your ears.   You may even find yourself giving voice to thoughts you have only ever heard inside your own head before, and that will be strange too.

I am done pretending to be small.  I am done pretending to be timid. I am done pretending to be weak.  I am done being quiet.  I am done being what someone else is comfortable with.   I am done with the comfort of stealth mode, with the comfort of pretending. I am done with the comfort of habit. 

I am done living a half-life that belongs to someone else.  It is time to begin living my life as truthfully, as openly, as loudly, as largely, as I will.  No More Pretending.

If you are one of my beloveds, consider this fair warning.  I am larger than you have perceived, braver than you have guessed, stronger than you have imagined, louder than you may be comfortable with, and more powerful than you may wish.  I promise to be patient with you as you become accustomed to me.  I love you and I want you in my life, but I will continue to keep pushing until I have found how to live with the integrity that my Gods, my Ancestors and my own Soul require.  

So Mote It Be.

Re-awakening

When I finally came to this path, or returned to it, and I do believe that this was always the path I was meant to follow, I was almost dead.  I think that is why I finally found the path.  I needed to, without it I was done for this life.

I had silenced and shadowed and suppressed every natural and wild instinct I had, every magickal impulse, every source or expression of power, every hope my heart and soul and mind and body and spirit had ever had of living.

I can finally see now, that through all of it, I kept trying.  I kept reaching and pushing and scratching and clawing, I kept trying through my childhood, through my adolescence, through my years of wandering the wasteland.  Then, I found a book, and in that book I found a glimpse of what my path should be, what my life could be, and I finally began to let myself live.

It has taken another twenty-one years to fully emerge from that half-life of sleepwalking.  Over that time I have slowly and painfully re-awakened much of myself.  Each of the parts of myself had to be remembered and revived.  Each of my chakras has had to be unlocked and brought out of a state of near-death.  I feel as though I am finally ready to begin. 

In attempting to see my whole self these past few weeks, I have discovered that the last part of me to awaken may be the most important, the most vital, the key to my strength and power. My sacral chakra is the one part of me that I have only recently begun to allow free expression and it is the place in my body that I most identify as myself, as “home”.

From my earliest memories, that part of me has never stopped striving to express itself, not to the world, but to myself.  In allowing my source uncensored freedom to express and explore and experience, I have discovered that life has more depth, more vibrancy, more energy, more color and sound.  Every sense I have, including my psychic senses, as well as my “sense of self” has been heightened.  I have more energy to engage with others, with my work, with my life, with my writing and with my magick.

Each of my chakras, each of my parts, must be healthy and whole, free to express and experience life, to do the work of living.  I cannot allow any of them to be silenced or shadowed if I am to complete my work. If I am to live the life I am meant to live.  I give thanks for dear friends who have helped me to awaken and become more fully alive.  Blessed be.

Fire

Fire is dynamic and intangible.  Its effects can be measured, but it cannot be contained.  It can be extinguished, but not boxed or bottled.  Fire is not an object but, rather a state of becoming. 

Fire is transformation and change. It is destruction of form and release of energy.  It is heat and light and movement.

It is the wild-fire that rages and the lightning strike that sparks the flames, and the sunlight that causes life to grow anew.

It is the need-fire that provides warmth and preserves life, the torch that provides light that allows us to see and the hearth-fire that cooks sustenance for the tribe.

It is the campfire in the night, and the stars in the sky above, and the song of community shared.

Fire is the candle on the southern altar, and the sacred fire at the center of community.

Fire is the wand and the staff that act as conduits for the movement of energy and the energy we move through them and through ourselves.

Fire is the bright red flower in full bloom and the dawn turning to day and the noonday sun in the height of summer bringing the crops to fullness and fruition.

It is the firing of nerve synapses and the chemical reactions within every cell of the body.

Fire is the soul and the seat of desire, passion, will, drive, courage and righteous anger.  

It is the life force that fills the cauldron of warming, and the glowing ember in the cauldron of vocation that moves us to action and the fire in the head, that divine spark in the cauldron of wisdom that compels us to seek and explore that which cannot be found in the mundane existence of the sleepwalker.

Fire is the Phoenix rising from the ashes and the Dragon in the fearless flight of freedom.

on loneliness and wishing on a star...

Sometimes I feel lonesome.  Not all the time, not every day, but sometimes loneliness creeps under the door into my tree-house and wraps itself around me when I am curled in my bed with my Pwca.  It happens most often when the light fades from the sky, when the weather is cold and I am less likely to venture out at night. 

Truth be told, I am a bit of a home-body.  I love my home and my Pwca is a wonderful companion but, as much as I enjoy the quiet beauty of my lovely rooms, and the solitude necessary to do my work, I sometimes long for the comfort of a warm human body and heart and mind and soul to engage with. 

Intimacy is a human need.  It is not a need that can be met through casual interaction in the everyday world.  It requires a familiarity that can only be found in the personal connection that exists between friends or lovers or family.

As the longest night of the year approaches, I am glad that I have a tree decorated with lights to cheer my home.  It will stand in its place until I can detect the return of the light.  I am grateful that I have a warm and loving feline spirit with whom to share my evenings.  I am grateful that loneliness is only an occasional visitor and that I will be able to visit with my beloveds on occasion over the next few weeks.

But sometimes, I wish I could spend the evening with my arms wrapped around a beloved and with theirs wrapped around me.  This is my wish for the new year.  The first star I see on the longest night of the year, I shall wish upon it.

The mysteries...

For the past month I have been focused on trying to understand some of the secrets my shadow keeps from my conscious self.  In that time I have been dreaming incessantly.  It has been very disconcerting and has had me more than a little spooked.  At one point I did not sleep for three days.

One of my beloveds has suffered a loss and is grieving.  My heart breaks for this dear one and I weep for them often.  One of my beloveds has begun a new adventure and I rejoice for their excitement and new life.

I spent a wonderful October morning walking in the woods with my sister and High Priestess “solving the problems of the universe”. And an evening under the full moon around the fire with community, wanting to climb out of my own skin.

I attended the beautiful wedding of two cherished young people and was greatly moved by their love for each other and that of their family and friends.   The desire and hope for that kind of happiness was rekindled inside my soul and I hold onto my faith that it is possible with every bit of tenacity that I possess.

I have discovered a young poet who moves me with his voice and his eloquence and his passion more than I can describe because I cannot reach such heights as he although his words lift me up to breathtaking crescendos. 

And my beloved granddaughter was born eight weeks early.

My reactions to all of these things seem to me to be out of all proportion.  My immense joy at the birth of the first of her generation of my bloodline is overwhelming.  My heart seems to be exponentially smaller than it needs to be to hold the love I have for her tiny self.  And although she is very little in the physical sense, she is larger than the entire solar system in my other perceptions.  She also seems to have the magickal power to cause me to time travel.  I find myself reliving her mother’s birth and the pain of separation and all of the “might have been”s that we leave behind in order to live in the present and walk into the future.  And time travel seems to flow in both directions at once.  I feel as though forty-five years is not nearly enough time to love her enough, to teach her enough, to become the woman I want to be for her. 

Dreams and desires, grief and adventure, love and passion, birth and separation, time travel and death.  These are the mysteries and these are the shadows.  These are the lights and the beauty that may be found in the dark nights and sunny days. 

May the blessings of both be with us all as we travel through the dark of the year.