No Holding Back

This past Midsummer, my coven held the kind of ritual that makes magick that follows you home.  We were challenged to declare our beauty and our successes, our flaws and what we have left undone, and what we will do to continue that work.  We also challenged one another because; sometimes we see each other more clearly than we see ourselves. 

One of the wisest women I have ever met is an initiate of my coven and one of my greatest teachers.  Her challenge to me was “no holding back”.  That is indeed one of the principles that I have been striving to live by, not always successfully.  Lifelong habits are difficult to break.  It takes practice and diligence.

This past autumn I had the opportunity to fall in love, and indeed I did fall in love, with someone that I have loved and respected and trusted for quite some time.  This man is beautiful and brilliant and strong and compassionate and there is no reason in the universe that I should not have fallen in love with him, in fact it was quite inevitable I think.

Yet, instead of telling him, or showing him, instead of going to him and loving him the way my heart desired to, uncensored, without reservation, I held back.  I did not hold back out of fear, but gave myself rational and logical “reasons” and they matter not even a little bit because, I let the opportunity to love him go unrealized. 

What “reason” could possibly justify squandering the chance to show someone how you love them?  Even, or especially, if it was only a brief moment in time, would not every second that you could share with them be a priceless treasure not to be wasted?  Every moment we live is a chance to embrace our soul’s true calling.  What higher calling can there be, but to love others the way our hearts would dictate?

I let that chance pass by, I held back.  I cannot change that, life does not work that way.  But I will not continue to hold back.  Not my love, nor my magick, not my words, nor my power, not my desires, nor my purpose.  Not with my family, not with my friends, not with my beloveds nor with my community, nor with anyone else with whom I might fall in love.

I will live my life, no holding back, so mote it be.