During my Dark Moon Ritual last week I asked what I should do to prepare for my Second Degree Initiation Ritual which is scheduled to take place this coming Sunday. I have been anxious and even fearful, and have had to face each fear and find a way to resolve it. This past week I was confronted with the greatest fear I have, the base of every other fear my heart knows, the fear of disappointing my father.
The thing is, I have never questioned the belief that if my father knew who I am he would be disappointed. I have believed that for as long as I can remember. My father has always loved me. He has never given me any reason to believe that he would withdrawal his love from me. In fact he raised me to be who I am. So this belief is irrational and based in nothing. Fears are often like that I think.
My question about what I need to do to prepare was granted an answer. I have journeyed every night. I have done my daily practice and then journeyed to the astral with only the Rune I drew for that day as a guide, or key. I have taken the same path that I have since I first began to travel, but without a pre-conceived destination. I have traveled and discovered that which my Gods, Ancestors and Allies would show me.
Each night has been different. I have been given visions of the future and the past, lessons in pain and lessons in joy and lessons about secrets and the nature of my family and our familial shadows. I have met ancestral spirits and been to places sacred to us. I have also learned lessons about the nature of sacrifice and offerings and vows. I have learned a lot about my own nature and beauty and fear and shadows and the infinite shades of color and light. I have learned about the joy of letting go and having faith.
I have been given the keys I needed to find what I most desire, and I have been told that I need to play with mud. And no, that is not a metaphor. J I hope to share some of these journeys with you in the future, but for now it is time for me to begin again.